how did the doctors try to cure stephen hawking? turn him off then back on again

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What do you get when you mix a elephant and a rhino? A nasty tasting smoothie.

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What did the Police Officer do after he made a positive identification of a Prostitute? He proceeded to pay her in cash for sexual favors because prostitution is legal in the state of Nevada

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get hit by a car and die.

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My dog dumps in my house she looks at me and says rut row

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what do you call a old guy who touches children? my dad

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What do you get if you give a black man more than 5 watermelons? Jeff the Killer.

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Why did the old lady walk across the road? She was on her way to the convenience store on the other side.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Orange is orange

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A fat man walks into a gym, and comes out fatter

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What do you call a black priest? "Father" if you are Christian.

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what did Marvin Gay's father say to him before he died? "hey come listen to this 45 real quick"

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Three muffins are walking next to each other in the dessert. The muffin on the right says "Hey now it's my turn to walk in the middle!"

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Why was the clock off? Because it was broken

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Burp

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Why was Johnny so mad at his father? Because his father had a constant drinking problem and was very abusive.

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What did the squirrel say to Justin Bieber? We both enjoy nuts.

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A Jewish man, a christian man, and a buddist man walk in bar, They all have to much to drink and are arrested for driving under the influence while trying to get back home.

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There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

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Knock Knock Who's There? Jehovah's Witness

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Why did the man yell? Cause he wanted to!

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You know what's worse than having friends with a lake houses Not being invited to their lake house...

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money, I forgot what happens right but it wasn't that funny anyway

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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