two elephants in a bathtub Elephant 1: pass me the soap Elephant 2: no, radio!

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A guy walks into a doctor's office and says: "Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! One day I'm a teepee, and the next day I'm a wigwam, and then the next day I'm a teepee, and then the next day I'm a wigwam again. The doctor says: Sir, we've been over this 100 times! You have stage 4 pancreatic cancer...

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Knock Knock! Who's there?! Michelle Bachman.

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A Canadian walks into a bar, he rubs his head, steps around the bar, and walks into a bar. He has a great time hanging out with his friends and having a few drinks

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You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

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Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

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A lion and a cheetah raced each other and the cheetah won Lion: "man you're a cheetah!" Cheetah: "no you're lion!" Then the cheetah tears off the lions head and feeds it to their babies

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whats the same about a red crayon and a blue crayon? there both the same color except for the blue one

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You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

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Q:Whats worse then hard nipples A:The holocaust

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You know what's funny with rape? Nothing. It's horror.

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How many Italians does it take to change a light bulb....... 1

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What did the confused blonde girl ask to a nearby student? Nothing. She isn't supposed to chat because it's study hall and they enforce a strict "no talking" policy.

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Fact: When you die, you can't eat ice cream!

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Whats long,hard, and has c.u.m in ig? Cucumber....also my wiener

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Two guys walk into a bar together. They are diagnosed with a concussion and later on in life have serious brain issues

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What do you call a black man, an asian man, and a white man walking down the street? 3 men walking down the street.

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don't repeat this joke!don't repeat this joke!don't repeat this joke!don't repeat this joke!don't repeat this joke!

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Why did the young boy cross the road? because his dad beats him due to alcoholism and his mother is a crack whore.

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A kid finds a bag of heroine. He is a good Samaritan and asks the nearest junkie if it belonged to him.

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knock knock. who's there? interrupting cow. interrupting cow wh... You mom's a whore.

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a dyslexic man walks into a bra and realizes he is quite lucky as another man walks into a large steel pole

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Why did the chicken cross the road? An obsession with what motivates a chicken.

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What's faker than Nicki Minaj's tits? Women rights.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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