Why was the giant centipede full? Because it just ate half a dozen purebred golden retriever puppies by hiding all day in the poopy newspapers and emerging at night to eat the defenseless baby dogs in their sleep. BUM BUM BUM KSSSH!

This is Heading 1

How did the corpse cross the road? They can't cross the road they're dead.

What happened to the mentaly challenged person is walking down the street? He pooped on the sidewalk and got escorted to his house

Why did dave not hug his wife? becuase he said she looked horrifying from the war in iraq.

A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this!" The doctor replies "That because there's a knife in your hand."

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

Billy Idol walks into a New York City Bar. He snorts lines of coke with his comrades in the bathroom and continues his night by having sex with attractive underage females

What did the coconut say to the lizard? Nothing, the coconut fell off the tree and killed the lizard.

I dont often wash my hands in the bathroom but when i do its so people dont think im gross.

What do Whitney Houston and MTV have in common? They both REALLY died in the 90's.

Duh, its red not ginger, like really really red... Not unlike my eyes, which is a bit of the reason I dye it., I also use colored contact lenses most of the time now.

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Why did the baby die, because he got herpes, so did his mother, there both dead now.

Q: What's DNA? A: The National Dyslexic Assosiation.

Out of Jill, Jason, Jesse, Jane and Harold, which one is the odd one out? Jason, because he only has one arm.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Depending on the amount of saliva you produce each lick the answer to this question varies species to species.

What happens when a black man is alone the KKK appears

A genie walks into a bar. The bartender asks for three wishes. The genie says "okay". The bartender says "I wish I was the richest person in the world." The genie says "okay." Then He woke up

Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he saw his ex-girlfriend walking down the street so he was trying to kill her by hitting her in the head with the clock.

An old jewish man, an irish man, and a young mexican woman in her mid 20's are on an island. They eventually become hungry to a extremely ravishing extent. The jew cries out: "I can't take the thought of consuming man, because I am only allowed to consume kosher" The Mexican says: "Alright" The Irishman says: "O.K. Until then lets head over to Timilio's... I hear they are a fine establishment and also serve Kosher meals."

a mulslim wlaks past a bomb shop on his way to join the international peace club

If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

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