Why did i write an antijoke? Because i can't write real jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

little miss muffit sat on her tuffit eating her curds and weigh along came a spider and sat down beside her and said hey whats in the bowl?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

DUH DUH DUH DRAMATIC HAMSTER

thumb_up thumb_down +7

my penis

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What does an orange and a lemon have in common? They are both orange, exept lemon

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the ginger say to god? Nothing it has no soul

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do polar bears have that no other animal has? Polar bear babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory Because she repeatedly wrote Ws

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I'm tired.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: What's the best part of having sex with twenty-seven year olds? A: By age twenty-seven the average person has reached sexual maturity, and has also developed mentaly enough to understand, and subsequently process the intimate nature of an adult relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown? I am not sure as the tragic situation occurred while the clown was hiking alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A guy takes out his club and hits a baby seal with a fine for $50 for littering and threatens to smash the seal's favorite ceramic figurine with the club if he doesn't pay the fine. The man is a park ranger and takes littering very seriously.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

So the priest took the 6 year old boy into the confessional...and He told him to say 3 Hail Mary's.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: Why did sally fall off the swing? A: Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally! How did Sally die? She couldn't figure out how to open the fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's sad about Justin bieber getting thrown off of a cliff Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what's round, hairy, has eight legs- but isn't a spider? A spider.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? Because it was summer and the grass had extensive growth, so much so, that it proceeded to spread to his neighbors yard. His neighbor then called HOA, and thus, the unruly grass was taken care of.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a fly with no wings? Disabled

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why couldn't billy hear his mom on the phone? Because Billy is deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: Whats more funny than a pile of dead babies? A: The one in the center eating its way out

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops