The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job because his company went under because of the econmic crisis. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of recent conflicts about money and she was looking forward to having a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man:"Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor:"You have aids"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats long and black and goes around corners? The unemployment line.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My mind is like full of holes so I cannot remember where I am anymore, and I am tired in addition, but say, what the hell is a tussle? Sounds cute, but what is that?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Thats so awesome, I was totally not not going to tell you and when I saw I did not not type it I totally did it anyways, but why did it last even though stuff timed out? I am like so wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock knock. Who's there? Nobody is here, nobody would ever want to knock on the door of you. Yes, you. You reading these awful jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the man ask his wife to make him a sandwich? He lost both of his arms in the war.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? Thousands of years of different evolutionary tracks resulting from different climates and available food sources.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you cross a pug and a beagle? A cross pug and a cross beagle.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: Why is it when geese fly in a V that one side is longer than the other? A: There are more geese on that side.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I'm on the Seafood Diet. I eat seafood to replace fatty red meats, in conjunction with fruit and vegetables.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why is Osama dead? He got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you kill a domb blond? Shoot her in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you punish Hellen Keller Move the furniture around

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My former roomate had that game, about some bald guy that can slow down time, but thats like supernatural or something.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 6 and 7 are non-living objects and cannot show fear or anger.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the butcher have blood on his hands? He murdered his daughter.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than having embaracing parents? A: they are of the same sex

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My brother is crazy... crazy like a fox! I caught him eating a Possum on the side of the road yesterday.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q:Why is the WMBA so unsuccessful? A:Barely anyone watches it

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock Who's There? Ted. Oh, Hey Ted.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Where did Sudie go during the bombing? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops