- Anti Joke

i have two hands.

Women are only good for seventy-one things: Love A proper home to come home to everyday 69

Ask me if I'm a human. Are you a human? Yes.

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but smell this towel, you won't remember a thing.

Two ladies are walking down a road. One says, "It's freezing out here!" and then the other woman, who is a scientist, says "No it's not freezing. The freezing point of oxygen is -365.82 degrees F. So, unless it is actually that temperature outdoors, I highly doubt that it is freezing outside."

what smells like red paint, but tastes blue? my heroine OD panflets

He who laughs last gathers no moss.

What did the spatula say to the door handle? Nothing. Inanimate objects are incapable of speaking.

My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

How do you spell orange? O-R-A-N-G-E-U-D-U-M-B-A-S-S

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What do you call a chicken who eats chicken. Cannibal

What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

Roses are red violets are blue I don't know you so get away from me.

What do you say to a homeless man sat in a train station? That there is a homeless shelter around the corner.

There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They are spending a relaxing afternoon together as a result of being restricted to their heavy therapeutic sessions which they are constantly in need of because all three have been diagnosed with clinic depression since everyone jokes about them so much and in conclusion, they don't see each other very often.

roses are red violets are pink your nanas in the cowfeild with a bottle of stink... not really shes long gone.

What is the best way to deal with a broken ankle? Ear Lobes.

Oh you have herpes? yeah, there's an app for that.

What happened when the man asked the girl if he could borrow her pencil? Nothing, she was deaf

Whats the difference between a house and a mouse If you think about it , quite a lot really

whats black and white and black and white and black and white? a penguin rolling down a hill whats black and white and laughing? the penguin that pushed him

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

One afternoon, a man walks into a bar, looking sad and purchases a large drink. "Bad day?" the bartender asks, "I just found out my youngest son is gay." the man replies. "Wow that's bad buddy, I'll buy you the drink, on the house." Two weeks later, the same man walks into a bar, looking sad and purchases a large drink. "Bad day?" the bartender asks, "I just found out my second son is gay." the man replies. "Wow that's bad buddy, I'll buy you the drink, on the house." Two weeks later, the same man walks into a bar, looking sad and purchases a large drink. "Bad day?" the bartender asks, "I just found out my oldest son is gay." the man replies. "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?." the bartender asks. The man thinks about it. "Yeah, my wife."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops