What's the difference between tires and a black guy? Tires don't scream once there are chains around them. ;)

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I believe you've seen enough of these already.

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What did the homeless kid get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

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My closet is like the wardrobe to Narnia, accept my closet isnt a portal into a magical world.

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Your girlfriend.

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What do you call something green and fuzzy? Grass, I lied about the fuziness.

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Did you know that many scientists will find out what happens after death within your lifetime? But not their lifetime...

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One day, I was talking to a lamp on the phone, when I realized I had called the wrong lamp.

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Why did the sheriff cross the road? Cuz I told him to.

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Why doesn't the little boy talk to his mom? Because she smells like barbecue sauce.

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What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

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Why are Asians so good at math? because of their work ethic and determination to become the best at everything.rice.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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Why did the man smell bad? He had not showered for several days

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How do you stop a lumberjack? You thrust a javelin through his lungs

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What happened when the princess kissed a frog. Warts, all over her lips

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Whats the definition of not winning? Charlie sheen losing custody of his son because he is a coked out, old man douche bag, who only gets told what he wants to hear because he forks out lots of money to gold digging hookers.

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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What's the difference between a pheromone and a hormone? Hormones are secreted internally and trigger various biochemical pathways that cause certain effects. We all are familiar with the effects of testosterone and estrogen, both on the anatomy, and behaviour of humans. Pheromones are secreted externally, and have an effect on another creature in similar ways. Usually they have to do with attracting sexual partners or changing a sex partners behaviour or body in some way.

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You are in a room with hitler and bin Ladin. You have a gun with 1 bullet. Who do shoot? Don't worry you don't have to make that decision. They are already both dead

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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Children and bretheren, stinky cheese Stinkyy cheeeese. Like this or you will smell stinky cheese in your bedroom

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A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

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Q what r u eating under there? Aunderwear ewww thats nasty

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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