How did Jesus walk on water? Jesus is God in the form of a man, and he is the only human being ever with the ability to perform miracles

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? He got many things, because everyone felt bad for him. Someone even brought him into their house so he could have Christmas dinner. On Christmas Day someone gave him fifty dollars to spend on food for his family. Only thing is, he didn't have a family.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

i like my rose red and my diamonds blue your screamin mercy so did ur mom but i killed her to

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the American WWII soldier say to the Feudal-era samurai? Nothing, because the two lived on completely different continents and in completely different time periods.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you get a black man to run? Ask him how his day has been, catch up on some memories of your time at school together, then challenge him to a foot race.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says that there are no dogs allowed, but the man says that he is blind. So the man sits down with his dog and asks for a drink. The bartender decided to check to see if he was really blind, so he says, " Hey, do you know what time it is?" The blind man replies, "7 o'clock," The bartender says, "Ha! You said you were blind! Get out of..." but was interrupted by the man, who promptly said, "No, I'm deaf," and left.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

My friend was driving me home from a party, and was quite drunk. I was relieved that we did not get into a car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

So, I walk into a bar and say "Why do you call this place a bar, I don't see any bars in here!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did Harry Potter go to meet Professor Lupin? --Because he wanted to practice casting his Patronus

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's black and white and red all over? A Nazi banner.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

You dork, seriously, the comment where I mentioned that I am married is like 60000 comments PAGES behind. What? Now you ashamed of losing your, I mean I can say that I am your first right? That I am going to stick my MANFLESH into your CHERRY AND POP IT RIGHT? JUST TRYING TO BE SUBTLE HERE! Seriously though, Your name is really Tifa? And you look a FUCKING HELL A LOT Like Tifa From Final Fantasy... You know, except she has gigantic feet and no lips and you know...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the chicken cross the road? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I lied, it was a goat.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What is the Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything? 43 - 1 = ?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What is one similarity between John Samos, and the dreadful clown? they have a red nose and are payed to be funny, aside from John Samos!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Who smells like urine and his da is a registered sex offender with madeline mccann in his house? Aodhan hearty, May I also include he looks like a bug. Oh and don't forget the rot on his teeth, it is fucking disgusting. It really looks like he hasn't brushed his teeth in quite a substantial period of time, in my opinion, he is the only person who is actually comparible to sean.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the dog say to the other dog? Ruff, hi, ruff ruff, we are both dogs ruff ruff, ruff ruff, ruff!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? It is unlikely that this situation would occur, as tractors are very large objects and losing one would be very hard, furthermore, tractors are vital agricultural vehicles and most farmers would take care in not misplacing one.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

To men walk into a bar. One says to a paying customer, "Mind if I sit here?" and the other man inquires the bartender about so.e fancy drink that takes five minutes to prepare. After 23 minutes, naturally, they left at exactly the same time and they went home to their wife and kids. They both share a wife and kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call two black people in the same sleeping bag? A newly married couple on their camping adventure honeymoon.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops