What is about the size of a sausage, flesh-colored and looks like a penis, if you illuminate it with a flashlight on monday nights? - a penis.

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How to find if your overweight? Ask your friend to make a big clay volcano, out of baking soda and vinegar. While its erupting if you're too busy eatin five course dinner. FAT

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Q what r u eating under there? Aunderwear ewww thats nasty

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Three men are walking on a beach when they find a lamp. They rub it, and a genie comes out. It tells them that they each get one wish, and to choose wisely. They each decide to discuss what to wish for with their wives. Their wives take them to a local hospital, where they receive treatment for hallucinations.

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Roses are rose, violets are violet, that's just a fact, I've got aspergers.

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Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred sing: "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blond are all stuck on an island 100 miles away from the nearest civilization with no resources. After 2 weeks, they decide that no one is going to save them and they have to swim for it. The brunette swims 25 miles and then gets eaten by sharks. The redhead swims 75 miles and then drowns. The blond swims 99 miles but got tired, so she swam back.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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What do you call a lord of the rings poster with nothing on it? A piece of paper

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What do 9 out of every 10 people enjoy? Gang rape.

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the world is made out of 4 things. protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons

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first

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Roses are brown Violets are brown who the hell took a shit in my garden?

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1 tip for a flat belly so eating so much u fat bitch

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WHATS BROWN AND SMELLS LIKE CRAP!?!?!?!?!?!?!? crap

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because dinosaurs died out 65.5 million years ago.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You know most poems rhyme, This one doesn't

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the person who wrote 1 under me is gay

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He grew tired of hearing the most over-used joke set up in recorded history.

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what do you call a guy with no arms or legs and wearing red and white in the ocean? a dead person and someone needs to call the cops cause thats terrible.

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Q: If your 17 year-old-daughter is a drug addict, how many cartwheels are you going to have to do to make it to Georgia? A: The French Revolution, because your grandmothers facebook shows an 11 year-old selling Concords to a green alien, which can only mean that over 600 people watch porn daily.

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How do you scare off a ghost? Tell him your ready for a commitment.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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