How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a cow? Getting raped by two cows.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Q: Why did sally fall off the swing? A: Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally! How did Sally die? She couldn't figure out how to open the fridge

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Two gay guys are cuddling in a park when they spot a hot, busty blonde jogging near them. One turns to the other and says, "Damn... It's days like this I wish I was a lesbian."

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Yo mama's so ugly, one day she looked in the mirror and her face was a wreck. Later that day she committed suicide.

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An alligator walks into a bar. The bar tender calls animal control and calmly escorts everyone out the back door.

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How do you make a plumer cry? Kill his family

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Why did the fat man get thrown out of an all you can eat buffet? He molested a waitress

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What color is an orange chicken? Fried rice

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "I have a gambling problem."

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What would you call the jetsons if they were black? Niggers

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what does a baby sound like in a microwave. i don't know i was masturbating

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Whats as Heavy as a rock and also as light as a feather? Any object in space because the lack of gravity to give the object weight.

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yo mama is so fat that when she stepped on the scale she exclaimed "wow, i'm overweight" she then proceeded to eat a cupcake to mask her pain.

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Mike: Hey Dave knock knock Dave: Come in!

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Make hurtful and upsetting remarks about her person.

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Why couldn't Roger become an astronaut? Because Roger's a toaster.

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what is sadder than lost in a ps4 game ? Your mom's funeral, she died in a horrible accident yesterday

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YOU

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Why did the koala fall of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the other koala fall off the tree? It was stapled to the first koala.

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Is your refrigerator running? I heard there was a power outage in your area.

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Why did the Salesman leave the leper colony? He had to wish his daughter a happy birthday.

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Why is the man's nose bleeding? Because I punched him in the nose. He looked at me funny.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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