A man walked into a bar. He was treated at the local hospital with a minor contusion.

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Yo mamas so fat, when she jumps in a pool she displaces a disproportionate volume of water.

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1 woman and 2 guys were on a roadtrip. Every single day they would go do the same things. First go to Denny's, then to the mall, then see a horror movie. One day the woman said, "I don't want to go see the horror movie, I'm scared enough!" So the guys agreed that they'd trick the woman into going to a horror movie before Denny's. They went, and the woman was scared out of her mind. She yelled at them both for 30 minutes and to this day never speaks to them.

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My favorite color is Ham. And I can count to Potato.

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Why did you chicken cross the road? C u n t.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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Q: Why did'n the dirty man jump into the shower? A: Because he spotted the potential danger to jump into a slippery shower and proceeded with caution.

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So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

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What did the lawyer name his daughter. he couldnt because both the baby and his wife died in child birth.

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Q: why is there always a window in front of the kitchen sink A: so when the woman is washing the dishes she can see the grass she is about to cut

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I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

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All I can say is that its not the feds, and not Interpol nothing "legal" nor anything belonging to the state as far as we can tell. You all stay locked up, and I will make sure this little geek with shitty breath does not say anything about you, as for the rest, I cant say much.

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What do you call dinosaur flatulence? Jurassic Fart!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was being raped and was fugitive lot trying to escape, to no avail.

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Knock Knock? Whos there? The police, please open the door.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't.

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What has four legs in the morning, three at noon, and two in the evening? A baby with leprosy.

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Q: Why did Captain Kirk suck his own dick? A: Nobody else was around, I guess.

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whats the difference between harry potter and a jew? harry potter can escape the chamber

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Why did the lebanese man kill his own family? He had cancer.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

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Your mama's so fat, she can't even find clothes that fit her well.

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What did the Turkey say on Thanksgiving? Gobble gobble.

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When the sun goes down... Most of the guys pants goes down too. Just be straight XD

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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