A man starts acting weird in a resturant, the waiter says "whats the problem sir?" The man says "I'm choking and I just died."

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Why did Kim Kardashian's and Kris Humphries marriage last so long? It didn't

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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A shark ate your mom

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What happened when the old man fell off the roof? He died....

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Why did the man jump off the cliff? Because he suffered from chronic depression as a result of frequent drug abuse.

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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A man walks into a pizza place and orders a pizza. When he got the pizza, he saw it had pepporonis on it. He liked that, so he ate the pizza.

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What walks on the three legs? Martin, he was born with a tragic birth defect and struggles to make a living.

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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There was a golfer at the field where people usually golf. he had a golf club. so did the man next to him. The man i spoke of first hit the guy that was next to him with a golf club. Why? because he was angry at the man for shoving socks down his daughters throat and extracted her eyes with a melon scooper. This should not be humorous, the girl got blood and eye juice on her fathers new shoes when she came home.

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Why did the donkey cross the road? To get to your house. Knock Knock. Who's there? Heehaw!

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what do u say to a girl after you have sex with her? i like cheese

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We started this thing together, I do not get it, he is like you said, just a little nerd...

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How hard is it to cross a man with a tree? Jesus only needed a few nails

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ben, you just called me. Aren't we supposed to go jogging. Oh yea, I lost track of time. Is it cold out? Yea it is. You should bring a jacket. Alright, can you get me a water? Yea, no problem. Thankyou.

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Why did the guy stay up all night on the internet? because hes a fat ugly bastard with no life

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What do you call a black man on a bicycle? A cyclist.

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Why did the dog cross the road? Because he saw another dog

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You've got more chins than a Chinese... Girl with a lot of chins, because she's so fat

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If your canoe is stuck in a tree with no headlights, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon. False, snakes don't have armpits

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Wish me luck these are the ten numbers on my keno 19 65 80 2 34 72 68 22 12 8

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Why did the man get go to sleep? He got hit in the face with a hammer.

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A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man said to the bartender "I'll have a H2O, please." His friend said "Yeah, I'll have a H2O too." The bartended wasn't an idiot and was aware that he was in a bar, not a science lab, and handed them both a bottle of H2O. His friend still died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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