What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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How do you stop a rhino from charging? An ak-47

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What do you call a cat up a tree in a party hat? A cat up a tree with a party hat

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What make's a constuction worker drop's his hammer? MC Hammer moves.

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How did the baby survive the car accident? He didn't. He was killed on impact.

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A king's son's birthday was coming up and the king asked,"Son i'm the king. You can have anything you want." And the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." For his birthday he got a rollar coster, a pizzaria, a new car, and of corse, some purple ping pong balls. The next year the king asked,"Son, i'm the king, you can have anything you want." and the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." And for his birthday he got a manchin, an iphone, a water park, and of corse some purple ping pong balls. One day, the prince was driving in his car and was in a terrible car accadent. On his death bed, his father asked him one final question,"Son, why did you want all of those purple ping pong balls?" And the son answered,"Well, i wanted all of them because-" and then he died.

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do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

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What did the man say to the other man. Hi

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What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown? I am not sure as the tragic situation occurred while the clown was hiking alone.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your balls with a Jew.

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Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Q: Are you a tree? A: No.

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Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He orders a beer with two cubes of ice. The bartender ask why does he want two cubes of ice. The guy doesn't answer. He finishes his beer and proceeds to go home safely because he was not intoxicated.

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are on a cruise together. A horrifying accident occurs, sinking the boat and killing all of them. Their deaths are mourned by their respective family members.

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why didn't the donkey go to the party? Because, unfortunately he did not have the required linguistic skills to communicate with the person inviting. This is obviously dependent on whether the person who invited him was a human, if it was another donkey then perhaps this would of happened. However, this is also very unlikely as donkeys do not have parties or really communicate

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What do you call a horse with a missing leg Calling it names could be considered animal abuse and should be reported immediately

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Person 1. Knock-knock. Person 2. Who's there? Person 1. The doctor. Person 2. The doct-- Person 1. You have cancer and have about three weeks to live.

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http://media.photobucket.com/image/whale%20penis/marcus1v0/whale_penis2.jpg

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Malcolm Johnson from Zenith windows, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a while about some fantastic offers which we currently have on double glazed windows....

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What did the Chicken say to the Interviewer Interviewer: how do you feel about your eggs chicken: the eggs are actually my periods. Interviewer: how do you feel about your periods ChicKen: you eat my periods everyday. people make cakes, omlettes and all these food out of my period. Imagine the world running on your period. Interviewer: what are your feelings on your periods Chicken: I have a mixture of feelings. i feel really scared because the farmers would kill me if i can have my periods. i feel glorified because the world runs on my eggs and i feel proud. I feel freaked out because the world actualy runs on my periods

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A guy went to McDonalds and asked for a cheeseburger: —Can I have a cheeseburguer? —No

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How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? No seriously, I don't know because we've only just got electricity in our village.

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Why did the black man get laid off? His company was no longer doing well and he was not needed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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