A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

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what happened when joey asked the teacher to go to the restroom? The Teacher said "yes you may go to the restroom," not even putting into consideration that joey was a ginger and discriminating him because of it.

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What happened to the Asian who ran into the wall with a boner? He ejaculated his sperm, impregnating the wall. The wall went to the authorities, and the man was charged with rape. He is now serving a 10 year prison sentence, with no possibility of parole.

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Why did the man eat the turnip greens? Because he was morbidly obese, and needed to maintain a proper diet.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure!

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roses are red violents are blue your dad is gay soon it all be you !

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How many babies does it take to paint a barn? It depends on how hard you throw them

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year olds? There's twenty of them.

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What did the mute man say to his mother? Seeing as mute men can't talk, we'll never know

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Teacher: Why did you fail this test? Student: Because the hamster that gives energy to my brain just died.

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Where did the little boy go on vacation? His mother's funeral.

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Burp

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i've got a little something for you. in fact it's so small you can't see it. it's called spermatazoa

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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Why did the old lady walk across the road? She was on her way to the convenience store on the other side.

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What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

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The other day a male African American approached me in a less than reputable neighborhood after dark and inquired as to whether or not I had a dollar which I could spare. I politely told him I didn't and apologized. He forgave me and we went our seperate ways.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer Roses are red

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what do u call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalotopuss

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What goes in dry and comes out wet Gum

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What is the difference?

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why did the man turn on and off the lights 20 times because he was diagnosed with O.C.D as a child

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How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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