Q: Why was the little boy late for school? A: His face was stapled to a wall.

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Why did Timmy miss school? He was killed in a tragic school bus accident

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Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

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What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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So a ninja walks into a bar and he sees a cowboy and the ninja says i will kill you with my mad ninja skills and the cowboy says who needs mad ninja skills when you got a gun

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not reply as it is a horse and horses cannot speak. The bartender realises his stupid mistake and calls the farm the horse came from. The horse is taken back to the farm and fed some hay. The bartender carries on living his life and then dies of natural causes at a very old age.

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There is a high speed pursuit when suddenly the suspect's car skids out of control and crashes into a field. Two cows witness the commotion, when one turns round to the other and says "Moo"

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What's worse than being fired? Eating a bucket of diarrhea.

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How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

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Knock Knock! Who’s there? Alligator! I'm positively sure that Alligators are unable to talk, now please tell me who this is before I call the police.

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Two cats are sat on a window ledge. One cat looks to the other and says "Meoww".

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Why did santa cross the road? He didn't he is not real.

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What do you call a two headed platypus? Go ask him, I'm sure he has a name.

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Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, Jack sat on his candle, and burnt his ass.

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Why do black people like Black Friday? They can get fairly expensive appliances for a very reasonable price.

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Friends are like balloons When you stab them they die.

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What has four legs and a tail? A table with a tail

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why can't Michael Jackson bake a pie???? Because he's dead

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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Hickory Dickory Dock, Three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck 1, and the other 2 escaped with minor injuries

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How did the clown crash his car? A horrible tornado chrashed through the town.

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My life has been getting worse and worse since I developed cancer.

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Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? Trees can't jump

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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