Two fuses wearing bombs for hats were sitting on a bench with their frayed feet dangling on the ground. A match was walking along and tripped, hitting it's head on the ground and bursting into flame. Luckily the fuses had finished lunch by that time and gone back to work. Unluckily for the match it died from burns to 80 percent of it's body.

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I didn't use protection So here's your baby

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have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower? No? well it must have been hiding pretty well.

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One time, as a dare, John was forced to eat 5 king size chocolate bars, 3 cakes, 8 Oreo Milkshakes, and 7 packages of Krispy Kreme Donuts. As a result, John has diabetes.

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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What's worse than a bug in your soup? Getting shot in the stomach.

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A man is sleeping and is woken up. What does he say? Why did you wake me up

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An old man, and his daughter are walking down the street. They are having a nice time, until the daughter turns around to see the old man lying on the ground in pain because of the crippling arthritis in his back that has caused him agony and discomfort for years.

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what do you call a black guy under water? A Scuba Diver

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Hi... your father has testicular cancer and he will die in 2 months....

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How many Babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them

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Who, what, when, why, how, where, and which? Your Honor, i think my client would like to plead guilty.

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why did the slytherin cross the road twice? ... because they are double-crossers.

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What do you call an giraffe? Well, you should probably call it a giraffe if you want people to think you are literate and know your grammar.

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Q: Why was the little boy late for school? A: His face was stapled to a wall.

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Your Mama's so fat that the Doctor recommended a healthy eating diet, and to exercise daily.

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how do you prevent a chicken from contracting aids?? you make him a little chicken condom.

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What do George Washington, JFK and Hillary Clinton have in common? They've never been to my house.

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There is a high speed pursuit when suddenly the suspect's car skids out of control and crashes into a field. Two cows witness the commotion, when one turns round to the other and says "Moo"

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What's worse than rotten eggs? Being dead.

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What's red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket. What's blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disguise.

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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Mommy, why did daddy leave? Because you touch yourself at night sweetie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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