Roses are smiling, violets are trying to kill me. DId I mention I'm a paranoid schizophrenic?

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Two girls are backpacking in the Sierra Nevada. They walk 8 km from their base camp at a bearing of 42 degrees. After lunch, they document the wildlife they have seen because they are tracking the populations of species native to the area. Then they continue on their hike, but this time at a bearing of 127 degrees. After 5 km, they reach their destination for the day and set up a temporary camp.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? Mary Mary who? Mary Smith.

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Q. Why did the lady scream when she saw her husband? A. Because he was dead.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, this is stupid, Violets are purple Violets are purple Oranges are orange Nothin' rhymes with orange wait.... DOORHINGE!!!!! -sincerely, That famous Orange on YouTube

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What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about everything.

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Why did the war end? Because one country surrendered. They were getting beat pretty bad, it seemed like the only viable option.

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hey whats your name Im gonna hit you so hard........ that im gonna knock your block off

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Q: What Did Alakazam Use To Listen Gangnam Style? A: He Used Psybeam.

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Whats worse than one bee? Two bees. Whats worse than two bees? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bees.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A watch and a pair of socks.

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Why can't so many guys get it up? Because erectile dysfunction affects 30 million men nationwide.

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Yes 59 10 away from my faverite number....... 49

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Why did the cave men discover fire? They were the only humans on earth.

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Why did God create Ebola? Because he hates us all.

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The verification for this post was debatable: "Which of these does not belong?" George Bush Barack Obama Bill Clinton Ronald Reagan Head of Cabbage Answers on a postcard please... [L]

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

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Who is the fastest kid in AA? Alex Solomos

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Oh shit my gardens on fire

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knock knock come in !

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Your mum's so fat, she should probably consult her local GP to insure she doesn't die of a cardiac arrest.

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What's the difference between a Pile of Dead Babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamboghini in my garage

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A 16 year old boy and girl have unprotected sex. The girl becomes pregnant and decides to keep the baby. They both drop out of high school, get lots of government cheese, and the boy holds a steady job as manager at the local mcdonalds for the rest of his life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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