a guy walks into another tall man knowing that he has something weird in his mouth. he pulls out a fly, apologizes for running into him and promptly walks to his small appartment to brush his teeth. the next day a fridge hits him in the face and he spontaneously combusts. he was never seen again.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks into a bar. Suddenly, he is filled with a strange feeling, as if his life is somehow the subject of a stupid joke. He walks back out of the bar and consults a psychiatrist.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get for you?" The man replies, "a drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A cat ran into the road...I hit it

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why do black poeple like fryed chicken? Becuase it greases there insides just like there outsides.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: Why couldn't the little girl ride a bike? A: Because she didn't have legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Yo mama's so stupid, she put the baby in the microwave

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's bigger than a breadbox? Whitney Houston's coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

girl. have you seen my duck man. yes he is with me right now girl rely you have him man. yes in my diner girl. d.i.c.k. man.f u

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Its not a big mistake at all, if people do not want to get hypnotized you cant hypnotize them, or so I thought...

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call hunter ? An anerexic that is skinny as a tooth pick. Duh

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Whats brown and smells bad poo

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why couldn't Ariel talk in the Little Mermaid? Someone slit her throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do Mike Tyson's handwriting, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and your Grandma's apple pie have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why did the chicken cross the road? it didnt it got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's grey and can't fly? A castle

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks in to a bar and everyone screamed running out the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Tourette's, Cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops