A stand-up comedian quits his job. He has social anxiety and can't stand the pressure.

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A jew is a person contending to the faith of Judaism, and a pizza is an Italian flat normally round or square baked good consisting of dough, tomato sauce, cheese and various spices, and is sometimes enjoyed with toppings such as meat or vegetables

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A man walks into a bar, furious that his son had been knocked down by a car and was now in hospital with a fractured leg and concussion. Another man, who sits on a stool at the end of the bar, is playing with his drink and wondering if his wife had made a chicken curry, since she said she would for tonight's dinner.

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. -It's funny because the robot doesn't have any arms.

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What do you find at a black guys yard sale? A bunch of reasonably priced items since he comes from a low income household.

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What do you call a rabbit with carrots in its ears? Anything, it can't hear you!

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Q: Why did Susan fall off the swings? A: She had no arms Q: Why did no one help her up? A: She had no friends Q: why was she at the play ground? A: Her parents were fighting again Knock Knock Who's there? Not Susan

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call me maybe.

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A man walks into a bar. His family has died in a tragic accident and he is trying to drink down the pain.

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a would chuck could chuck wood? Home depot

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy had stage 4 skin cancer.

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What happed when the homeless shelter went out of business? -Everyone went hungry and died.

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Why did the mailman say hi to you? He was trying to be friendly

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Weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? On average 2,950, however, this has not been properly tested due to obvious reasons.

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A Japanese man, a Canadian man and a French woman walk into a bar. They do not converse because they don't speak the same language.

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roses are red violets are blue i fucked your mom so did you

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How did Sarah Offet win? He had no arms. Knock, knock? Whose there? Not Sarah Offet

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What is the difference between a Jew and pizza? Pizza does not scream when it goes in the oven.

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Why couldn't the boy write his name because he had no arms.

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So a woman took her drivers test today Since she passed, and tomorrow is her 16th birthday, tomorrow she will have the legal privlage to get her license.

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Why didn't the boy blow out his birthday cake this year? He died last year.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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