How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck its dick.

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Question: What do you call the black guy wearing a white shirt? Answer: Steve. His parents game him the name at birth, and he is called that ever since.

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There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. This hooded figure then proceeded to step out of the shadows and mug them, all three of them were brutally murdered. This is why you stay away from hooded figures when you are being talked about in a story being told in third person.

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what's blue , and you can urinate it? a rim block.

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How do you know if a woman is cheating on you? If you catch her cheating on you

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What's worse than farting in front of your boyfriend? Farting on your boyfriends pillow and giving him pink eye.

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Where do cows go to have fun? Cows don't have a concept of fun as such, but they would probably go to a large, sunny field full of lush, green grass with a bubbling river and plenty of shade.

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What's a green tasty vegetable? None, they're vegetables.

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What do you call a bathtub full of dead babies? A tragedy.

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A couple arrive at a Halloween party for nudists. Then they enjoy the themed decor and food.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he was late for a meeting

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A man goes to the doctor and complains: "Doctor, my Viagra hasn't worn off! It's been over eight hours!" The doctor replies "You were bitten by a banana spider. You have one day to live.

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How do you tell if a politician is lying? You make him take a polygraph test.

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Why do bears go to school on Sunday's? They don't, bears don't go to school.

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Once upon a time there was a man that was exercising and he pulled a muscle and had to have his arm removed. The end.

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Why did the 15 year old commit suicide? Because his parents and 3 sisters died in a car accident and he went to live with his uncle, who constantly raped him.

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What does 10 dead babies in a microwave look like? I dont know. I was too busy masturbating.

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Q: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg? A: One is a huge, flaming, Nazi gasbag, and the other is a drug-addicted talkshow host.

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What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? . . . . . . . Roberto

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what do u call a joke with no punchline? A non-harmful joke

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who is smarter than a human? a nerd

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A man was walking home when a little boy ran up to him. He said "hey mister, how do you sleep apples?" Then the man wasn't sure why he asked him so he spelled it out for him "that's easy my boy, A-P-P-L-E" the little boy said "you said pee pee!" Then he laughed and ran off

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill.

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What would you call a two-foot Irishman named Max? Max.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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