A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says: "Where would you like to sit, gentlemen"?

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You know how they say cats have nine lives? They don't.

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What's fat, round and bounces on the ground? A ball. I lied about the fat bit.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, your Mom is a fake, she adopted you!

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What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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I was sitting in traffic the other day. I was runover.

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What's slippery when wet? A wet slipper.

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An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson? Spelling.

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What's sad about this man who committed suicide? He forgot to return his rented DVDs.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house... Knock, knock Who's there? The chicken.

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Q: What is the difference between a moose and a cow? A: How they're spelled.

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What did the chicken say to the cow? Cluck cluck Knock knock Who's there Chicken Chicken who? Chicken go cluck cluck, cow go moo Piggie go oink oink, how 'bout you?

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What do you call a lawyer without a brain? -Dead

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Q: Why did Jimmy not have balls? A: A terrible, terrible sand paper accident.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? He was shot in the head. Plus the fact that it was his first attempt on a bike made it highly unlikely to succeed anyway.

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I climbed through your window, I'm under your bed

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How do you help someone stop drowning You take your foot off the back their head.

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Why did Santa go to a rap concert? Because Santa was a rapper

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A young boy walked into a hardware store and asked for a long weight. Luckily, the shop owner was kindly and brought the child up to speed on the process of hazing.

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Why did you laugh at this joke. Because it was funny.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops