how do you get a nun pregnant? have unprotected SEX with her, resulting in expulsion from her convent

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why was girl happy on the day she found out she wasn't pregnant? -It was her birthday.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What has eyes but can't see? Helen Keller. What has ears but can't hear? A field of corn.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why not zoidburg? Because Zoidburg is a alien from another planet and the human population is probally afraid to talk to him do to the potential danger of alien contact.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

charly ate an apple. the apple was filled with poison and charly died.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

a blonde, brunette and a red head are all goin to jump off a bridge and turn into something. the brunette jumps and says fish, and she turns into a fish. the red head says eagle and bacomes an eagle. the blonde gets a running start, but then trips on the way off and she says shit and turns into shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Q:How do you kill Chuck Norris ? A:You don't , He kills you first.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -30

why do elephants paint them selves green ..... to blend into snooker tables. have u ever seen an elephant on a snooker table .... thats just how good they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Put it on my bill"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How do you post a Tasmanian devil? Recorded Delivery

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping out. After they set up their tent and get inside to go to sleep, they look up at the stars. Holmes asks Watson to make a deduction. "Well, Holmes, I think it's highly probable that other planets outside our own, among those many stars up there, could have sentient life." Holmes points up and says, "Someone stole our tent, you idiot."

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Let them think that you are insane, vulnerable, and they wont bother leaking a lot of shit about you, this "shit info" will remain inaccurate and reveal weaknesses where there is none. I had to draw them away from you, but as soon as he began selling Intel regarding my missing eye, I figure our "not so friends in the unknown" would have eventually begun searching for "The one eyed man" among you. And had they not found one, they might just as likely made it seem as if there was one for the money. None of the thugs sent to attack me nor the "Nero decoys" where professionals, but those behind them sure are, considering that they paid these thugs more than what I make during a year. Gotta go pretty girl, hope we meet again in not so long. Moral: This is all a joke, get over it, Moral has left forever, mission complete.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Josh Moran peels off his foreskin while watching gay porn.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why didn't Michael J. Fox feel the Virginia earthquake? He was on vacation in Maui.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? having your limbs scliced off with a chainsaw and being put in a cage to get mauled by a Mutant Man-eating horse.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the kid with turrets say? Many swear words but he can not be blamed for this because he has a disease that make him unable to control many of the things he says.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the the water hose say to the man? Nothing, but the sight of water made the man thirsty and he drank to excess and died from dilution of his blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did you chicken cross the road? C u n t.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why was the little boy late to school Cause he walked on a landmine

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A hero is nice to everyone, but one person. who is that? Your mom. WOOOOOOOT!! YOU JUST GOT MUSCLEMANED!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did the horse die? I shot it in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A boy walks into a bar. He wakes up in a hospital 3 days later with a bruise on his head. He asks the doctor, "What happened?" The doctor replies, "The bartender smashed a glass on your forehead."

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What's black and hangs from my tree? A black man. I am a racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops