there's a worm in my lime at least it doesn't have scurvy

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I love bacon therefor I love people who eat bacon execpt people who eat my bacon then I hate people who eat bacon

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Why did Jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Certainly not Jimmy.

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Q: How did Helen Keller cross the street? A: She walked.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a clown, and clowns are scary.

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Why isn't Michael Jackson aloud at Disney world? He is dead.

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People thought hitler said "I want to burn the jews" he really said "I want a glass of juice".

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Yo mama's so fat that she needs substantially larger clothes than most other people

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My girlfriend told me "Give me twelve inches and make it hurt" I ejaculated prematurely and fell asleep.

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Fact: Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people one will always disagree with the other nine.

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I like your words "He without an equal, also stands alone was it?"

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What's black, white, and red all over? Something that's black, white, and red all over.

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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How many dead babies can you fit in a tire? It depends on the size of the tire.

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on a scale from voldemort to nigel thornberry, how big is your penis?

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Mary.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, Some don't.

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What happens when a plane with 2500 people on board crashes? There were only 165 seats.

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What is the defference between Obama and an American? Obama doesn't have a birth certificate.

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Matrix if it had been with (as planned at some stage) with Will Smith. Normal Neo: Yes trinity lets find the others. Smith Neo: Yo pretty lady, lets go find them ho`s and chicken and stuff, then we can like go surfin and driving nuts and all that crackin stuff and then we etc etc. Normal Neo:... Smith Neo: You tellin ME this is your world Smith? Im Anderson yo and the one, Im gonna bitchmack you all and then just whoop you all with my master blaster no kidding buddy I have yellow belt Kung fu yo! Neo: We have to do something. Smith Neo; Yo unless we make a real rap video first we cant do the proper stuff you, why is this place all so green, get some colaaas! Seriously first we get carlton and then he dances his crazy dance while I go boyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ with my rap ok?

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What did Dave tell me on Tuesday? "It's Wednesday, dumbass."

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In Soviet Russia, there was a movement to be renamed into the Russian Federation, which passed on December 25, 1991.

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What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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