Q: How many Babies does it take to paint a garage? A: babies do not have good motor skills therefore, they can not hold a paint brush.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the confused blonde girl ask to a nearby student? Why is there a man painted green throwing forks at me

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Bend Over.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Who comes up with terrible jokes and then mentions the name of the person they are talking about like a bitch? Both of us, Dylan.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

a pan of muffins comes out of the oven one muffin says "hey im really burnt" another muffin says "oh my gosh! a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the plant say to the human. Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

The Dali Lama walks into a pizza parlor and asks the owner to make him one with everything. After 20 minutes or so the owner brings the Dali Lama a pizza with every available topping. After he finished eating the Dali Lama thanked the owner and left a nice tip.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did Julie fall off a swing? 'Cause she had no hands. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Julie, that's certain.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What kind of cheese isn't yours? Someone else's.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? Trees can't jump

thumb_up thumb_down +24

My life has been getting worse and worse since I developed cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How did the clown crash his car? A horrible tornado chrashed through the town.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How many pancakes does it take to make a dog house? None because alligators don't fly.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

WHY DONT WE HAVE BOTH?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken a month off from working in their law firm. The mexican man, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. Alex, however never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? -Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -He was stapled to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -He thought it was a game Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? -He had no arms Why did the girl fall off her bike? -She was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I was hungrey then i saw a man puke. Im still very hungrey. Then i threw up. Im not so hungrey

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They got in a crash and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the boy fall off the bike? Because he was a paraplegic.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

- Why does a kid from Chernobyl have two heads? - Because of the effects of the nuclear disaster that occurred there in 1986.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you know you're crazy? Consult the pink pheasent to your left

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops