Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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Roses are red, Violets aren't. This doesn't make sense. Potatoes and brown.

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Do you know what the worst part about inbreeding is? - It's runs in the family!

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how do you stop a black man from drowning take your foot off his head

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Why don't Vikings read the New York Times? Because they all died centuries ago. And none of them live in New York.

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A horse and a penguin and a kangaroo come into a bar and order drinks from the bartender, who later gets fired for taking acid while working.

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Why are blondes so dumb? They aren't dumb they just have prejudice against them

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? An X-box, a sweater and some socks.

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "You already had me chained to the bed. You didn't have to break both of my legs, Kathy Bates."

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Q: Where does Cher sit? A: I have no idea.

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Q: How did the girl in high school become so popular? A: She got pregnant

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They didn't stop pulling my hair i didn't stop pulling the trigger

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Why is bobsledding the coolest sport? Because this is my subjective opinion.

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What is the difference between john madsen and a gay person. There isn't because john is gay

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A pretty funny pick-up line that probably doesn't work: "Hey, do you work at Little Caesar's? Because you're hot and I'm ready.

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why did the chicken cross the road because on the other side his wife that he had loved for years was being tortured and he was trying to save her life.

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there are two muffins in an oven one muffin says "whoa, its hot in here!" the other says nothing, because it is a muffin, and the other muffin, in reality, said nothing either.

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What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown? I am not sure as the tragic situation occurred while the clown was hiking alone.

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Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

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Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

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Malcolm Johnson from Zenith windows, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a while about some fantastic offers which we currently have on double glazed windows....

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why didn't sue come to her son's baseball game? because he doesn't play baseball, he lost his arms in a horrible plane crash. besides, sue died in that accident anyway.

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Why are kids with Aspergers Syndrome always banned from Mcdonalds? Let me repeat that: Ass Burgers.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple??? You... Lol jk no there could be alot of things like getting raped, the holocaust, me killing your children i mean someone killing your children. Because if it was me you would know it was me and file a report and i would be arrested and be sent to jail. And in jail i would try my hardest to stay alive brcause if i died that would suck. I would also try not to drop the soap beacuse i might get rapped by some prisib mate, also the floors are quite dirty and that would guve me any type of bacteirial infection like the stupid yeats infection or maby the persob who takes it from me when i finnish would get aids cause it dropped on the floor and who knows were it was. Then he would die from aids and his wife and or kids would be sad and set up a funeral were a preist would stand in akward silence cause the guy murderd the preists father so he wouldnt be mean an ruin the funeral but he wouldnt say anything nice. But after the funeral the preist would go back home and smoke a cigarette because he has started an unhealthy habbit just like millions of people around the world. When will people learn that it kills you faster than cancer well some cancers are quite quick and painless like a head tumor. But most tumors are able to be saved because the doctors are smart these days coming from yale or havord universitys and what not. Most peopel want to take the easy way out by just working at kinkos or wallmart. Both jobs are shit wich is why im probably going to go there cause no one else will except me in there offices or departments. I think its the fact i look like a pedofile trying to kill babys but you know how life is short and difficult to control but you have one life why waste it. Stupid emo kids trying to cut emselfs and shoot themselfs so they dont have to deal with theirs or their partners periods because the other day coming back from mc donalds this guy almost hit me with his car and threw a cup at me for some strange reason but hey not my problem unless he was my first victim?...... Lol jk i have never killed anyone and im not that creapy... Awks POTATO!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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