- Anti Joke

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't eat pizza

Why did the little girlbnot wake up? Because her mother smothered her in her sleep.

What do fat people and shinease people have in common? They both have a lot of chins.

Why didn't Megan do her homework? Although Megan was an intelligent girl who had always done well academically, she remained unconvinced that anything taught in school held practical or philosophical importance.

LeBron in the fourth quarter

So there was a guy in the middle of the street, how did he survive? ...He doesnt because he gets hit by a car becuase hes in the middle of the street...

Whats the difference between a horse and glue? Nothing

What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

What do you call an underground train full of professors? It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, my dick is hard, and it's cumming for you.

Will you please answer one question for me? "Yes" Thank you. -walk away-

Gladly, you sound very confident, makes me happy. Well, doctors thought I had ADHD (go figure) but I am pretty calm outside the internet, then they went with ADD, but since my attention is twofold, this meaning that I can get a lecture, while noticing a toothpick falling on the other side of the room (noticing as in perceiving with focus not necessarily listening but you know, seeing from the corner of ones eye) Yet still focus well enough to get the lecture in details. So its not split focus such as in ADD, but dual, as in me being able to think about two things at once, but also burning out extremely fast, which again, is far from ADD.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to its dying chicks who were just run over.

Hey dude. who died.... crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets YO MAMA

No pen- no notes No notes- no study No study- no good grades No good grades- no diploma No diploma- no job No job- no money No money- no food No food- really skinny Really skinny- ugly Ugly- no wife No wife- no kids No kids- lonely Lonely- death No pen=death

Q: How did the black man get the white man's money? A: He walked up, politely asked if he could borrow some money, and told him he would pay him back tomorrow.

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

Yo momma's such a whore that she violates the sanctity of marriage by sleeping with other men other than her husband.

What would Helen Keller say to Obama? Wow Im really impressed that you are our nation's first black president. You're doing a great job. Except it would come out like DUUUUURNNNNNAFMKAAAALLLL

Q) A Christian, slightly disabled but perfectly capable man has a packet of Jaffa Cakes. He strolls casually toward the edge of a cliff, rapidly checking his watch. The man slowly examins the packet before gradually opening the packaging. First the box, then the packet. He quickly throws the jaffa cakes over the edge of the cliff, Why? A) The man doesnt like jaffa cakes

A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

I accidentally solicited a prostitute today. I was driving in an iffy neighborhood and saw a woman on the sidewalk, so I stopped to ask if she could give me directions. She must have misheard me.

Roses are red violets are blue, your library book is overdue, and if you dont pay the fine...i'll punch you in the mouth.

What is the most hardest math known to man kind? 1+1=?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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