Your Mama's so fat she can't fit into a toy car!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Me: Hey Chris! Chris: WTF.u.c.k

thumb_up thumb_down -20

It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call someone who has slept for 48 hours straight? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

There was a man driving his truck down a dark road, half way down the road he see's a man walking alone. He stops beside him, winds down his window and says "Oi mate, need a lift"? The man replies "yeah sure, but can i sleep in the back of the truck"? The driver replies "Yeah sure" later on as the man is sleeping he hears a big bang. "what was that" the man asks. The driver says "Don't worry i just hit a cow, go back to sleep". time goes by and he hears another bang. "W-what was that". "Don't worry i just hit a moose, go back to sleep and ill wake you when we arrive". Few moments latter he hears a tick tick bang. He gets up and yells "What was that"? The driver replies "Dont worry mate i just hit a aboriginal" The man replies "What was those two ticks before that"?. The driver says "I had to drive through two fences to hit the bastard"

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I will create more jobs for americans

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the boy fail his test? Because he got shot before he could even study.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock, knock! Who's there? Mary Mary who? Mary Smith.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's worse than finding ants in your kitchen? A truckload of dead babies.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon... Michael Jackson has sex with little boys.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

So an Alex Gedrose walks into a bar, and orders peanut butter and jelly toast on buttermilk with extra Linda on the side.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

two friends are hanging out, one says to the other "whats 5 plus 5" the other says, "you know i didnt finish school and i dont appriceate you making fun of me" the other boy looks away and walks off

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A man attempts to rob a bank. The police are called and the robber is arrested for attempted robbery.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

You know what the stupidest country in the world is? Equatorial Guinea

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the gay man's ass hurt? He has rectal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you get when you cross a rooster with a cocker spaniel? Nothing, because roosters and Dog's don't mix.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A child finally stood up to the school bullies! Recently the news did a story about a school shooting.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If Timmy has 2 apples and Sarah has 7 apples, what is the square root of the distance of Mars and Jupiter divided by the speed of light if X equals the value of negative infinity given the equation X(2) - E=MC/7?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a fish with no I's Animal cruelty

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A man walked into a bar....he's OK.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. -It's funny because the robot doesn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a rabbit with carrots in its ears? Anything, it can't hear you!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: why was the cat naked? A: its owner was drunk and thought he was shaving his own head.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops