I got pussies, cocks, asses and bitches. In my animal store.

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What's long, dark, and smelly? The unemployment line.

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Why did the man scream? He got shot in the eye with a nail gun.

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Hey I just met you, And this is crazy, I've got dementia, Hey I just met you.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Determined.

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Whats brown, sweet, and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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What did God say to Adam and Eve? Be fruitful

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there was a rich kid strolling in the woods.he saw a bear, HE DIED

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This one time at Concentration camp.... My friends all died cause they were chosem in the Selection

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Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

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If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests? Tests.

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Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

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A guy walks into a bar and hears a someone crying. He asks the bartender who is crying and the bartender says "It's my goat. He's been crying since Tuesday, I'm giving a $500 reward to whoever can make him stop." So the man walks to the back and whispers something to the goat's ear and suddenly the goat starts laughing. The bartender was so amazed at what happened and says "Wow, thank you kind sir! Here's your reward money." and the man takes the money and leaves. The next day the man returns to the bar and the bartender says "Hey, ever since you made my goat laugh he hasn't stopped. He's been driving me nuts. I'll give you another $500 to make him stop." So again, the man goes to the back of the bar and whispers to the the goats ear. Suddenly, the goat start crying again. The bartender can't believe it. He asks "How in the world did you do that? What did you say to my goat?" The man says "Well the first time I saw your goat I told him a joke." "Okay, that explains why he kept laughing..." the bartender asks "Now, what did you say to make him cry?" The man replies "I told him..." Suddenly the goat escapes and goes completely crazy and kills everybody in the bar with his horns. Till this day no one knows what the man said to the goat.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

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I was just thinking in something I swear ... I am still Just, wait, i'll be good

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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A father and son are involved in a car crash. The father is killed, sadly, but the boy is rushed to the hospital. The doctor prepares for surgery, and since this boy has no family-connections to her, she performs successful surgery on him, and the boy goes home after 3-5 days.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

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What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

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Q: What did Batman say to Robin right before they got in the b\Batmobile? A: "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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Penis-biter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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