Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I`ve got a car behind me. Don`t worry about that you have aids.

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A woman was in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband. Shortly after she brings the sandwich to him and he thanks her seeing as his disabled legs prevent him from walking to the kitchen and making one himself. His wife later heads to her job as a firefighter.

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Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

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(Pretend you're an orphan.) Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

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why was the pen mad at the pencil? it wasnt. objects don't have feelings

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Eric is gay Ha

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If Donald Trump was in Game Of Thrones, he'd probably be a part of The Wall.

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How do you describe a cranky rapist? Cranky and rapist

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A man walks out of a bar. Gets in his car and crashes because drunk driving isn't safe.

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Paper or plastic? Yes...

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What's Blue And Fat? A Brick. I like to lie a lot.

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Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

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Where did the kid go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

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What did the boy with a crippled arm get for his birthday? A guitar.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." The man of the house subsequently notifies his government that genetic engineering is going awry.

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What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

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what's funny about cancer. nothing it is a serious life threating disease with no cure.

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I fear I do, maybe someone fooled you, but that was originally one of my aliases.

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What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? Pay For a new window

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How did Chris die? Bush-fire

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"Doctor, Doctor, Help I feel like a pair of curtains" "I've got some cream for that".

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What's black and white, and red all over? Old movies that have ketchup on them.

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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