Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a person who is black? A black person.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom says, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender replies, "Exactly. That's a health hazard. The health department already gave two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man walks off a bus. How did he get on top of it in the first place?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

When is a Jewish persons bedtime? When the brain releases endorphins, causing drowsiness, which usually leads one to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I FEEL LIKE I'M RIDING ON A CLOUD actually it's physically impossible to ride on clouds because they are sparsely situated ice particles.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why did the man beat his wife? why not?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why'd the plane crash? Because the pilot was an orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. He did kill Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and gives a heavy sigh. The bartender asks, "What's wrong?" The guy says, "Nothing."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was on a diet

thumb_up thumb_down +14

a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I was walking down the road yesterday with only 1 shoe. A man stops by and says "Did you know that you lost a shoe?" I reply "No I didn't. I found 1."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the politician say to the other politician? We are both politicians.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two Muffins are in an oven the first Muffin says "whew it's hot in here." The other Muffin turns around and yells "Holy shit a talking Muffin."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock Knock. Whose there? The IRS. All your base are belong to us.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, none of them did.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you make a tree angry Overall trees have no sense of emotion therefore it is impossible to anger a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How much does a dead baby weight? the same amount when it was alive!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who is there? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops