Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. You're adopted.

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

What's the name of Hellen keller's dog? She doesn't have a dog, she's blind and deaf and would not be able to give it the adequate amount of care. Additionally, it's morally reprehensible to make fun of Helen Keller.

Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

Charlie, Charlie the drunk guinea pig! OUR BEST FRIEND!!! Angel Charlie: I'm already dead yah poof!!! Butt cancer killed me.....

What do watermelons taste like? Sand.

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I really want to know something would all of you like to go on Suspension for 3 weeks? Mr Goodwin

what did the homeless man get for Christmas? nothing.

whats worse than dieing in an airplane? jumping out of the airplane to save yourself and emediatly getting shredded by the massive engine you did not have the wits to see.

A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

What did the retarded kid get for chrismas? Nothing the orphanage could not afford to give presents to all of the retarded children

A cat ran into the road...I hit it

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

All the kids at school we're playing soccer on a sunny day except Jenny, because she had a headache and didn't come to school that day

There's 3 guys, a fat guy, a skinny guy, and muscular guy. 7 days later, the fat guy receives an invitation to the zoo. It turns he got a new job and his friends was so proud.

Your momma's so fat she ate oranges and coffe

Boy: Will you go out with me? Girl: No. Boy: Why? Girl: Because I don't want to.

What is worse than throwing your baby in the river? Letting Moses out of Egypt

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because it slipped from his hand.

Why did the jew ask for $10 back after he lent a boy $2? Because of inflation

ever tried african food? they neither

What do a bike and a duck have in common? They both have handlebars except for the duck.

How did the girl cross the road? --she didn't, she died trying because she was blind and didn't see the sign that said "Don't Walk"

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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