how do you make a cat get out of a tree you shot it

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why did the family get sick?? because i fucked a girl with a parsnip then sold the parsnip to a family with 4 small children

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why didn't Lebron James give me a fourth quarter?...he forgot his wallet at home and didn't have any spare change.

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I am not physically scarred, rather mentally, lets just say my childhood was a lot less than pleasant, I got no idea where you got that "Nero lost an arm" thing, I got both arms working. But I guess I often feel alone because only I can feel, see and experience the pain of the scars a terrible childhood has left me with. You are right though, it is easy to give up saying that humanity is not ready or worthy, making me feel as Dr.Doom or something alike, hidden behind some suit of armor still ashamed for things I know that I am not, but that still burn deep within my mind. PTSD buddy, it does not matter if I logically believe that I am competent or not, when my past is engraved, etched into my soul, constantly telling me I am not, so helping others is actually pretty easy, yet saving myself, I do not know how anymore, it is easy to change the minds of those that have not been broken time after time physically and mentally by those which they love the most. I will heal, your words are inspiring, thank you.

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A man finds a lamp and rubs it and a genie pops out and says he'll grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish I had a trillion dollars for which I can buy whatever my heart desires" and poof he gets it. The man says "I wish I had a beautiful wife for which I can love forever till the end of time." and poof he gets it. Finally, his 3rd wish he says "I wish I have my own country for which I can rule as king and become the greatest ruler in history." and poof he gets it.

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Tim and Jim are Telling Jokes Tim: Knock Knock ... Jim does not respond because Tim has a mental disorder causing him to believe in hypothetical doors and thus ignores him so that he does not upset his friend

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What happens to the blond when she reaches the top of the stairs She falls down them

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A few people were put in a room with 5 doors and 4 were a certain death one was freedom and they had to choose a door to go in not knowing which was freedom the first person went in the door on the far left. He got raped by Michael Jackson. The second guy opened the door on the far right. He got in a room entirely made of ice cream. He ate all of it and got such a brain freeze his brain froze. The third and final guy turned around and noticed a door labeled exit. He exited the room and continued his life as a normal person

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W. If I was one thing other then a person why would I be? M. The sun. W. Aww, so I brighten your day? M. No, you're just hard to look at.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Your wife has been killed in a car accident.

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mexicans fishing

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What did the little boy say when he was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up? Adolf Hitler

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what's worse than finding 8 dead babies in 1 trash can?....... 1 dead baby in 8 trash cans.

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whats red and green and has 8 wheels. a stick

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How much weight can an ant carry up a mole hill? Ice cream has no bones.

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once upon a time there was a cripple little girls who lived in an orfanage were she got raped then beat .

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how many milkshakes does it take to bring all the boys to the yard?

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So a horse walks into a barn.

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A man with ADD walks into a bar. He then.......Damn Nature, you scary!

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How do you eat an Elephant? Elephant meat is most palatable after roasting in a 450 degree oven for 2 hours. Garnish with carrots and broccoli.

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some dude: weed is bad Other dude: then why do they prescribe it to people are you dumb or are you stupid

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A man walks into a bar. And has a beer.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Get out".

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Why didnt sally throw out her lunch? Her mom had a miscarriage, she was never born.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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