What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

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A white guy, a black guy, an Asian guy, and a Hispanic guy walks into a bar. The white guy orders a beer, the black guy orders a shot of vodka, the Asian guy orders a sake, and the Hispanic guy orders a shot of tequila. They were drinking and having a great time.

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What did the little boy get for Christmas? Presents.

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One day a boy asks his teacher what blue velvet is then the teacher says "we don't ask questions like that in my class go to principal's office now"so the boy goes to the principal's office and then the boy asks "what is blue velvet"then the principal says"no one says that in my school get out" so the boy goes home and asks his mom what is blue velvet then his mom says you don't say stuff like that in my house get out!so the boy see's the Mayer. So the boy asks the Mayer what blue velvet is then the Mayer says no one says that in my town get out of my town! So the boy see's a man and the boy goes to the man and the man asks what happend to you and the boy says well I got kicked out of school kicked out of my house and got thrown out of town just because i asked what blue velvet is! So the man tells the boy that there is a lady across the street. So the boy is in the road and then the boy gets ran over and dies. So the lesson here is look both ways before crossing a street

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Ed Rambo. EXPERIENCE as John Rambo is kidnapped by AL QUAIDA (because he did not totally save their ass in the second or third movie riiiight) Leaving Ed Rambo, his son (Played by Eddie Murphy) up to the task of saving him, from Al Quaida`s real leader... Yes, its a conspiracy! "Okay, first Obama is supposedly a terrorist, but seriously the secret alliance between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton?" Bullshit movie reviews. "So the explanation is that Ed Rambo is black because John Rambo married an Asian woman? What about their age? They are probably the same or something!" Mad Magazine. Moral: Yeah because this annoys you, and you all kinda love me I know its Al Qaeda, but who wants to type that... Now it does not say Skynet is watching anymore... After four times... Wow, god damn we need robocop to be real before the Termitetrisnators travel back in time into our dimension. AND NOT ADAM SANDLERS: ROBOCOP.

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Your momma's so stupid that she might not have graduated from high school, ceasing her ability to have an educated job. Now, she makes minimum wage and can barely feed her son.

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You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

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do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

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A mexican, Japanese, and American man are eating lunch one day at work by the window. The Mexican says, "Wow! If I get a taco one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The Japanese man says, "Wow! If I get a bowl or ramen one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The American says" If I get grilled cheese one more time, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The next day, the mexican jumped off because he got a taco. Then, the japanese man jumped off for getting ramen. Then, the American jumped off for getting a grilled cheese sandwhich. At the funeral, the mexican wife said, "Oh if i knew he was gonna jump, I would'nt have packed it." The japanese wife said, "If I knew he was gonna jump, I wouldn't have packed it either." The American wife didn't say anything because she was hit by a bus.

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What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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What's worst than finding a worm in your apple Finding half a worm in your apple .....

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I'm tired.

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Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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Q: What do you call a real joke on anti joke A: Someone obviously don't understand the concept of this website

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What did Steve say when his leg got chopped off? Nothing, he went into a state of shock before blacking out due to loss of blood. Later on, he died, and a week later, a funeral was held, in which nobody showed up, because nobody cared for Steve.

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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Sorry we dont serve time travlers here. A man walks into a bar.

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I like my women how i like my coffee. Without a penis.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A blonde is a human woman and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used for the popular sport of bowling.

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Whats worse than the Holacaust? Stepping on damn Lego's. MrBounty44

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What did the Chicken say to the Interviewer Interviewer: how do you feel about your eggs chicken: the eggs are actually my periods. Interviewer: how do you feel about your periods ChicKen: you eat my periods everyday. people make cakes, omlettes and all these food out of my period. Imagine the world running on your period. Interviewer: what are your feelings on your periods Chicken: I have a mixture of feelings. i feel really scared because the farmers would kill me if i can have my periods. i feel glorified because the world runs on my eggs and i feel proud. I feel freaked out because the world actualy runs on my periods

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What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown? I am not sure as the tragic situation occurred while the clown was hiking alone.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Listen bitch, get over here, let me poke out your fucking eyeball, and then you tell me if it is reasonable or not to fucking be pissed afterwards! As for your goddamn technique, of course I understand it, I use it too, its the ironman method as far as I am concerned. Do not share it with people here, you can go share it with your little "shadow people" but that shit took years to develop. But yeah, you tell me whatever the hell you consider "reasonable" you get me the money, and then we can see about being "reasonable". I know many of your methods, NLP, hypnosis, covert, warm and cold reading, I know you are no fucking psychic nor do you read minds, stop telling me what the hell your "Order" is, because whatever the hell it is, your "Nero`s" have proven on this site alone, that its a laughingstock that in no way could have brought six hundred people towards liking you, even less six millions.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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