"Ask me if I'm a tree," "Are you a tree?" "No."

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A girl walks into a supermarket. She picks up a banana, a can of soup, and a loaf of bread. She then walks up to the cash register to pay. The cashier looks at her and the items she has and says, "I can tell you're single." She smiles and responds, "How do you know that?" He says, "Because you're ugly."

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i was gunna write a joke..but i took an arrow to me knee.

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Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard, To give the poor dog a bone: When she came there, The cupboard was bare, And so the poor dog had none. So Old Mother Hubbard was reported for animal cruelty

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If you can fit many clowns in a car and many mexicans in a car...how many mexican clowns will fit?

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How do you stop a air plane? You throw small infants into the turbine.

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Bob has 80 chocolate bars, he gives 5 to his uncle,10 to his mother and 8 to his freind. He then eats 40 chocolate bars. Q. How many chocolate bars has bob got left now? A. Bob has no chocolate bars left. Shortly after Bob ate 40 bars he was diagnosed with diabetes. He then died of a heart attack due to high cholesterol.

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Your mother is so fat she has to have her clothing specially ordered, this brought her to a massive credit card bill and made your entire family bankrupt.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

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What did the coin said when it got flipped ? Nothing, coins do not have sufficient requirements to be able to talk like we humans do.

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Not lying Red, I have my contacts, I am a "facilitator", I pull strings for my employers, and sure the FBI has me on their files, after all we have cooperated with them. Not because I wanted to, but because its my job, and it helps me use the best of my abilities and limited education (I am technically an educated lawyer, and not an agent).

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Q: What's worse than ten babies stapled to one tree? A: One baby stapled to ten trees.

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Just want to know where I will be dipping my... MANFLESH!

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Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

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What is the difference between and Jew and a Boy Scout? The Boy Scout comes back from camp.

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Eat My Food!!! Joking I dont have any food

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A friend? Just a friend that you told to stop pretending to be me? And you had no idea whatsoever that I am Nero as in not one of the six hundred thousand wabbabes?

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Two egyptian soccerclubs are playing, what's the score? Over 70 dead

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Knock Knock Who's there It's me open the door

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What bouriquet got to do open HIS FACEBOOK!

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You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

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How did the hairless cat braid its hair? It didn't, it was hairless. Also, cats do not have opposable thumbs.

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How are humans like slinkies? - They are not good for very much and bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

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Q: Where do zombies shop? A: Zombercrombie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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