Stephen Hawking walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

So an alien walks into a bar......... and everyone runs away secreaming because theres an alien in the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What is 1 + 1 equal to? 2, because if you have one orange and if you add another orange, you will have 2 oranges, therefore 1 plus 1 is 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

tim tebow and mark sanchez will lead the jets to the superbowl

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why do dogs walk across the street? Cause they can

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the football player walk so funny? He went to Penn State!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? For no specific reason, Chickens don't think much.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the little boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A barman walks into a bar. He works there.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Ernie: "Hey Jim, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Jim then breaks down and cries deeply at Ernie's question as the fact that he was born without a tongue continues to slowly tear him apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

(Mortal Kombat Annihilation) Princess Kitana: "Mother, you're alive" Sindel: "Too bad you, will die" (Troll 2) "They're eating her. And then they're gonna me. Oh my gawwwwwwwwd." (The Room) Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshitt! I did not hit her! [throws water bottle] Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

19 cats 33 hamsters 24 turtles and 23 dogs are all in a small cage, PETA is not happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A woman takes a shortcut through a dark alley. She is raped, robbed, and murdered. Her family mourns her death.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a bright orange fish? A gold fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What is the coefficient of friction's favourite band? MU-se. What does the coefficient of friction go to see at weekends? MU-seums. What is the coefficient of friction's favourite hobby? Masturbating violently with a noose around his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

My mom farted, now it smells, ewe. My mom just took of her shirt, BONER! My, friends mom took off her shirt, now he has a boner. We both have boners, and it smells bad. This is weird, me and my friend are very similar, except my mom farted and his mom did not. Now I hate my mom. UN-BONER!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Who is a pussy? Jeff Misner

thumb_up thumb_down +9

There's a Mexican and a black guy in a car... Who's driving? The Cop!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Doctor, doctor! I think I've got an ear infection. I best give you some medicine.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you get when you cross bread an eagle, a wolf and shark together? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it will kill all of us!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the little boy say to his cat? Masturbate on my moms corpse.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops