What happened to the guy who took more lineage then he should have? He went to sleep.

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Your mom is so fat that she has diabetes and if she does not stick to her medical diet, her foot will be removed, but she started binge eating because of you in the first place, and if you don't straighten our your life, you will inadvertently be the cause of your mothers death.

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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Barbara and Martin died in their apartment. The neighbor walked in and found glass and water everywhere. How did they die? -Barbara and Martin were fish.

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OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle."

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Q: Why are there no tablets in the jungle? A: The pharmaceutical logistics involved would be enormous and would make very little business sense.

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What's worse than having two girlfriends at once. Seven. Seven girlfriends. All across America.

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She loves me, she dosn't love me, she loves me, the girl walks up to the man and says, she doesn't love me

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at rhyming turd

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What do you call a kid with an eye-patch and a speech impediment? Names.

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How do you get rid of herpes? You shoot up the cancer ward of a hospital.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She was dead

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What's worst then a road kill? Multiple road kils.

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12345678910111213141516171819whatcomesnext

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What fires shots? A gun

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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Why was the man struck by lightning? Josh Mathai was there.

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What's twelve inches long and makes women scream? Crib death.

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what do you when a black guy gives you a muffin. you eat it because he was your waiter.

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whats worse than 9/11? not much haaaa

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What is small, yellowy-white and emits a kind of cheesy smell? A lump of cheese

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Whats green, has four legs, and falls out of a tree? A Pool Table. Use your imagination.

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How did Bella fly? Very badly.

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A horse walked into a bar. The bar was part of the fence he was enclosed by.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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