What's red and black and looks good on a Jew? A bullet wound.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says "I just found out I have AIDS"

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Q: why did the prisoner drop his soap? A: easy sex

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Where do bees go to the bathroom? In the hive - they're incontinent.

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I rated up my joke then opened a new tab went to Anti-Jokes.com and rated it again. Problem antijokes?

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Felix? The Lucky cat? That is the only thing that comes to mind, I am dead tired, but I really don't mind staying up until I cant anymore physically, as for mentally I am getting pretty bad as for company.

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What is white and hard to catch? A refrigerator

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How do you drown a dumb blonde? Hold her underwater.

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What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. The ocean is inanimate and therefore incapable of speech.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Friend's are like penguins, they both die when you stab them in the heart.

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Q. How do you know when you've had too much too drink? A. Your dead(No because when your dead you can't think.)

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A priest, a rabbi and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the three, laughs and says "Please leave now, God is dead"

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Why did the little boy fall down the stairs? I pushed 'em.

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So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?" It proceeds to then crap on the floor and walk out,because its a horse.

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What is faster? A bottle of milk or a sand-filled pin ball machine? A fighter jet, stupid!

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What's half of 8? o

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Don't count your eggs before you put them in a basket.

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Why can't Micheal J. Fox draw a perfectly straight line? It is impossible for humans to draw perfect lines.

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Why didnt Steve Jobs make an iphone 5? He died

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I'll take a Reuben, light sauce, and could you do Provolone instead of Swiss?

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What do you call an horse? A horse, because horse does not start with a vowel and that would be grammatically incorrect.

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What do we call Osama? Osama

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What did Emmanuel Frimpong say to George Elokobi? you sir, are DENCH

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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