Why are there no more monkeys jumping on the bed? I shot them all.

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Q: How do you get a one armed Pollock out of a tree? A: Call the fire department.

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How do make a boy cry? You cut off his eyelashes

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The iPhone5. It's kinda Gay

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Knock knock... Whos there? The IRS, we are taking your house.

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knock knock whos there? doctor doctor who?

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Why did Tina's parents stop calling her? Because they died

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How do you cure AIDS? You can't.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar. Someone asks for his autograph to which he replies. "Sure"

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A man walks into a bar. The bar tender asks him "why the long face?" He replies "Because I'm a horse, you jackass".

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Look at your hand. Made you look!

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What do you call a dinosaur with no teeth? He's British

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Why did Oscar masturbate? He was on life support?

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Oceanic flight 815 crashes on an island and the survivors are stranded. They all die of starvation and dehydration within a week.

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Q: what do you call a guy named Aaron? A: Aaron

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Which is the closest animals to humans? Black people (nig3gers)

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What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Eggplant.

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I Love Hitler.

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Female Athletics

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Why do mermaids where seashells on their breasts? They don't wear anything because mermaids don't exist.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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Why did the girl drop her lolly pop? She was hit by a bus.

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What's brown and sticky? Brown paint.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops