The street outside of my house is covered in jelly. I have done this.

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Q: How do you get a one armed Pollock out of a tree? A: Call the fire department.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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a mexican is walking through the desert with no food or water, and no clothes. he'll probably die soon.

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? It doesn't matter. You can call him anything you like, but he won't come running to you.

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Knock knock... Whos there? The IRS, we are taking your house.

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A dwarf walks under a bar.

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French people.

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What do superheroes say after they save someone? Whatever the hell they want.

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Dani Barton = Stupid

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Anti jokes are funny, but also not.

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What's the difference between a duck? A vest has no sleeves.

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What's the difference between a screwdriver and DJ Pauly D? One's a tool and one is an inanimate object.

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What's brown and sticky? Brown paint.

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What is the difference between Whitney Houston and Elvis. They are dead. And it make people go boo hoo

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How did the man become sterilized? Blow-dart through the testicle.

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A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

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wat?

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Liars go to hell! -God

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"hey you know that graveyard down the street." "yeah." "people are dying to get in there."

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Whats the difference between Justin Beiber and Polio? Polio was cured.

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Why did Sally go to McDonalds? Because she felt like it

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Whats Orange,Leathery gets passed around by sweaty dudes and the next name will start with an S Snooki

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Why does Santa go through the chimmney? He's to lazy to use the door.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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