What's worse than the Holocaust? Your Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, pays, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a Jew picking up a quarter? Whatever his name is?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

how many scrubbers does it take to change a lightbulb 2, 1 to change it , and 1 to make it smell like urine.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the rapist say when he spotted the young girl? I am going to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what have big boobs, and fat ass ? fat man

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why do some RVs have 2 doors? Because 11 would be too many.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Why was the deaf boy crying at Christmas? He got an iPod.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

How do you get blood from a stone? Put it in a snowball.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

A dyslexic man sells his soul to Santa.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

why did the man walk into the metal pole? because hes blind and suffers from cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

a guy walks down a street when he sees a bomb he walks away

thumb_up thumb_down +53

What's the difference between a duck? I'm sorry, I was typing too quickly and missed off the end of my sentence. I meant to say "What's the difference between a duck and a goose?" and the answer is that they are entirely different species of waterfowl.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Tie her up and force her to watch as you brutally murder her entire family.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Why did the Polar Bear fall through the ice? The ice was unable to support his mass

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big red rock-eater.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Haikus are easy They are simpler than you think Just don't run out of...

thumb_up thumb_down +45

One penguin says to another penguin, "It looks like you are wearing a tuxedo." The other penguin says, "Yea, I have to go to dinner party later."

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +31

AND

thumb_up thumb_down +27

how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops