Q: How do you get a one armed Pollock out of a tree? A: Call the fire department.

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Knock knock... Whos there? The IRS, we are taking your house.

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A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "what do you want to drink" the guy says "a blue moon"

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A drunk guy walks into a bar and falls flat on his back. Upset, he then finds a bathroom. An hour later he is arrested for beating off in the bathroom. off is pressing charges.

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roses are red, Violets are blue, i have a gun, Suck my dick

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What do you call a really bad actor? Nicholas Cage

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Why did the baby stop crying? Mommy shook him.

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-Knock Knock -Anthony got in a car crash -Who's There -He died

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Q: what happens to the black guy that walks into the bar. A: He walk in ,gets a drink, and leaves

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He wanted to catch the frisbee that was thrown to him.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Eggplant.

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The Mets win the World Series

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What did the egg say to the cup? I love your hairdo! Girl, who is your stylist?

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apple pie.

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Why do mermaids where seashells on their breasts? They don't wear anything because mermaids don't exist.

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45.

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Why did German "shower heads" have 11 holes? Because Jews only have 10 fingers.

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What do you call a man with a black head, a red body, white arms and yellow legs? To get to the other side.

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Jonathan is like a btterfly. They're both asianu

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While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Humans tend to fight back, and sharks wouldn't usually be so hungry as to endanger their own lives in this way. Besides, most places where humans swim have shark barriers.

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A man cheats on his wife and ruins his marriage of 24 years.

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how many scrubbers does it take to change a lightbulb 2, 1 to change it , and 1 to make it smell like urine.

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To whomever it may concern, You are currently reading this anonymous letter from someone anonymous. I’m currently watching you read this letter. I am not a threat. I am not Big Brother. I am someone anonymous. You will never find out who I am. You may have a few ideas of who this might be, but you will be wrong. Just know that I am watching you. That is all. I love you. All for Jesus -A

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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