What did the white person say to the black person? Nothing, the black person was sleeping.

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Have you heard the one about the drunk cleaning lady? I haven't either but I bet it is good. That is a pretty good premise for a joke.

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What do you call an epileptic in a bowl? James, if that happens to be his name.

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whats the difference between a white man and a black man? I like cake

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women's rights

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Johnny just finished his pie.

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"hey you know that graveyard down the street." "yeah." "people are dying to get in there."

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We were hooking up and her mom walked in, i stood up, apologized and left

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what rhymes with sloth? rape

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What do you think about whats happening in the middle east right now? You're an idiot.

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What do you get when you mix a crap with a fart and a slug? Urmom

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around? A kitten in a blender

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A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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Winking at old people

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a priest, a bishop and a cardinal walk into bar to hand out pamphlets about alcoholism

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An Amish walks into Best Buy

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a duck walks in to a Chinese restaurant and they cut his head off

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how do you drown a blonde? chain her to a cinder block and throw her off a bridge.

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Five guys one rape.

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why did the giraffe cross the road? because my dad and his "fishing buddies" are having another "meeting" in the basement. I hear weird noises, and I haven't seen my little sister in weeks, since the last "meeting." Dad said she went to a special camp for little girls. I hear horrible noises.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding cancer on your back

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What's the difference between a duck? I'm sorry, I was typing too quickly and missed off the end of my sentence. I meant to say "What's the difference between a duck and a goose?" and the answer is that they are entirely different species of waterfowl.

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What do you call a mix between a beaver and a mammal? You can't mix beavers and mammals, and even if I had said a platypus that would not have been funny.

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I once bought a pack of batteries but they weren't included.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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