How do you tie your shoes underwater? In a submarine

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What's black and white and red all over? A bleeding penguin.

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What is green, ugly and can't empty his bowels without exerting a tremendous amount of energy? A constipated, ugly, green thing.

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What's that smell? Your grandmother being burned alive.

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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks." The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." They were moose tracks.

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little billy has 50 chocolete bars, he eats 45 of them. what does he have now? diabetes, little billy has diabetes

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What is brown and tasty? A brownie.

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What's worse then a worm in your apple You took a bite outta that apple.

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Two guys walk into a bar, a spanish guy and a black guy. They get some drinks, call a taxi to arrive home safe. And kiss their wives and kids goodnight. They go to bed early after reading a wallstreet journal. And wake up early so they can both go to their jobs as college professors. To white kids.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate poems Penis.

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What did the policeman say to the man accused of murder? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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French people.

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How did the man rob the bank? With a gun

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Q:why didn't billy go to soccer practice A:there was a billboard stapled to his neck

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Q: What do you get when you cross and owl with a bungie cord? A: My ass

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why couldn't sarah ride the bike? She had cerebral Palsy

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What's longer - 'an african american phallus' or 'a micronesian sphincter'? 'An african american phallus has' 24 letters as opposed to 'a micronesian sphincter' at 21 letters, so it is longer.

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Like Harry Potter? Like anti-jokes? Check these out: http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38139-why-did-dumbledore-fall-off-the-astronomy-tower-because-snape-killed-him http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38140-knock-knock-who-s-there-you-know-you-know-who-call-him-voldemort-fear-of-a-name-increases-fear-of-the http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38141-a-black-kid-an-asian-kid-and-a-jewish-kid-walk-into-a-barrier-they-are-students-at-hogwarts-school

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guy 1- damn its hot in here guy 2- then turn on the damn fireplace

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Two men walk into a bar. And they enjoy a good night of drinking beer and playing pinball.

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Yo mama is stupid that she has an IQ below 70 and can be classified as mentally retarded.

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How do you act when you discover that the 'Submit' button doesn't work? Wait for a while until the problem fixes itself and you are able to perform the desired function.

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Why arnt black people alowed in bars? Because monkeys don't drink beer! DER DA DER.

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wat?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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