what rhymes with sloth? rape

thumb_up thumb_down -13

While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How you make a duck cry? Raping it. How you make it shut up? Killing it. Why did no one helped the duck? Because the duck has no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man walked into a bar, he spilled his drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What's red, white, and black, and spins around? A kitten in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q. A black man and a Mexican are in the back of a car. Who's driving? A. The police officer

thumb_up thumb_down -43

How do you get blood from a stone? Put it in a snowball.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

One day there was a guy who went on a date with a girl. They went to the movies and ate popcorn. After the movie ended they had a candlelit dinner at a restaurant nearby. The guy ordered a fried chicken and the girl ordered a watermelon salad. They went home after a great dinner. I'm not sure how the story ends but I remember the story was racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

What can't think, see, hear, taste, or smell? A Headless Cat

thumb_up thumb_down +126

What's green and goes "Kablowie!"? Probably nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

What's the difference between a baby and a pineapple? Pineapples were not shot by nazis during the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

What's worse than a worm in your apple? People posting the same joke over and over again.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Wanna hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What do you call a mix between a beaver and a mammal? You can't mix beavers and mammals, and even if I had said a platypus that would not have been funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

69

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A Man visits his Doctor because he is feeling slightly unwell.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the boy pick up the baseball? He wanted to play baseball.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

I made a friend today. His name is don. He poops burritos. I like burritos.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Three nuns were talking in the church. The first nun said, "I was looking in the Priest's desk and found a condom." The second nun said, "I saw also saw that condom, except I poked holes in it." The third nun promptly reported them to the Priest causing the first two nuns to lose thier jobs.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How do you kill a blond? Make her listen to the song "Friday" for two hours straight.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

One drunk bug looks over to another drunk bug and guess what it says? Your a glitch

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A woman walks into a bar. She is pregnant and gives her baby fetal alcohol syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A Hindu, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. They then proceed to brutally murder each other due to their strong religious differences.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops