How do make a boy cry? You cut off his eyelashes

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A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "what do you want to drink" the guy says "a blue moon"

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Two guys walk into a bar, a spanish guy and a black guy. They get some drinks, call a taxi to arrive home safe. And kiss their wives and kids goodnight. They go to bed early after reading a wallstreet journal. And wake up early so they can both go to their jobs as college professors. To white kids.

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What did one eye say to the other? Nothing. Because eye's can't talk.

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Oceanic flight 815 crashes on an island and the survivors are stranded. They all die of starvation and dehydration within a week.

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why couldn't sarah ride the bike? She had cerebral Palsy

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Austin. kid with long hair, sat next to paymon who had short hair. "Go cut ur hair." "ok"

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guy 1- damn its hot in here guy 2- then turn on the damn fireplace

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how do you get mhairi mcdonald to shut up? rip out her throat.

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The Theory of Relativity, proposed by the Jewish physicist Albert Einstein (1879-1955) in the early part of the 20th century, is one of the most significant scientific advances of our time. Although the concept of relativity was not introduced by Einstein, his major contribution was the recognition that the speed of light in a vacuum is constant and an absolute physical boundary for motion. This does not have a major impact on a person's day-to-day life since we travel at speeds much slower than light speed. For objects travelling near light speed, however, the theory of relativity states that objects will move slower and shorten in length from the point of view of an observer on Earth. Einstein also derived the famous equation, E = mc2, which reveals the equivalence of mass and energy. When Einstein applied his theory to gravitational fields, he derived the "curved space-time continuum" which depicts the dimensions of space and time as a two-dimensional surface where massive objects create valleys and dips in the surface. This aspect of relativity explained the phenomena of light bending around the sun, predicted black holes as well as the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation (CMB) -- a discovery rendering fundamental anomalies in the classic Steady-State hypothesis. For his work on relativity, the photoelectric effect and blackbody radiation, Einstein received the Nobel Prize in 1921.

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Rick Perry.

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Why couldn't the kid go into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-13 and he was only 11!

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Whats the difference between a mexican and a bench? A mexican is a human being while a bench is an inanimate object.

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Female Athletics

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Two men walk into a bar. And they enjoy a good night of drinking beer and playing pinball.

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Why arnt black people alowed in bars? Because monkeys don't drink beer! DER DA DER.

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Q. What do you call the person that graduated at the bottom of his medical department? A. Doctor

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So, a blind man walks into a bar with assistance from his friend. He orders a drink and the bartender complies. He then spills his drunk and then slips in it. He lays on the floor, his head hurting. He cries, knowing he never should've tried to stare at the sun for ten seconds.

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Women's Rights...

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A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic, it's destroying his family.

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A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, pays, and leaves.

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What is the difference between a dog and a North Korean tank. When I see a dog I think wow, what a cute dog. When I see a North Korean tank I run away screaming, as do many others, and I hope the marines come and save us.

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What do you call a man with a black head, a red body, white arms and yellow legs? To get to the other side.

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A man sat down Then he stood up

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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