A man walks into a Library and asks for a book on suicide. The Librarian says: "Do you have a library card?" The man says no and applies for one.

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Why was the man killed before he could finish his anti joke? Because he

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WHat is the one thing an alcoholic needs everyday? Rehab.

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Someone thought that an onion was the only food that made you cry. So I threw a watermelon at his face.

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Four guys walk into a bar. They buy their drinks and stay for a couple of hours. After they are done they get a cab ride home. It was a lovely night.

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Put it in the microwave

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a ferrari? A dead baby causes years of grief and broken families

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. We know about the cocaine.

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OMG LOOK I FOUND A MAGIC DECODER RING

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What did the boy with no legs and no arms get for Christmas? Cancer.

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What do you call a man that was decapitated by a stray saw blade? An ambulance until when you have a reality check and realize that in the mass hysteria of witnessing such a horrific event that this man is already dead. You then callan undertaker, his family and his friends to attend his funeral in a week or so. You then walk over to him and cry.

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WOMEN'S RIGHTS

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What did Jesus get for Christmas? Birthday presents.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not sally.

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What was Michael Jackson doing at the Dermatologist's office? He was getting a mole on his back examined to be sure it wasn't cancer.

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What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall? Nothing. Fish cannot speak

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How did the osprey find the fish? He searched for it.

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How do you kill a blonde? You shoot her.

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What do superheroes say after they save someone? Whatever the hell they want.

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what do you get from sleeping with a hooker? An orgasm

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Why did the boy get hit by a car? Because he didn't look both ways

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It died

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How do you get Jack to fall of his bike? Push him off

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My nipple is bleeding

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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