What did Jesus get for Christmas? Birthday presents.

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Do unto others as others would do unto you, said the rapist.

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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3 guys walk into a bar to tell an anti joke. The bartender asks them to leave.

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How do porcupines have sex? The male begins by urinating all over the female. He then enters her from behind and proceeds to thrust until the act is completed.

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Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours? A: Cheese at the grocery store that you have not purchased yet

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whats worse than a baby in a dumpster? A baby in ten dumpsters.

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What is better than winning the Special Olympics? Not being retarded

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What did God say to the Priest? Nothing, there is no God

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.

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when god gives you lemons you better hope he also gives you sugar or your lemonade is going to suck

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A man walks into a bar... and gets hurt.

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What did mike Tyson say to the midget? ''Hello'' He's actually a relatively nice man.

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A man cries out to god.. and god doesn't answer.

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What did the mountain biker say when he saw a double rainbow? This a very rare occurrence in nature, and I should enjoy this rare phenomenon.

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69.... is a number

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What's worse than the conservatives? Nothing, because conservatives fuck everything up.

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Q: How many cows does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Infinite, cows do not have thumbs, in fact, they have hooves. This disables them from holding any large objects without the use of their mouthes.

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Oh my god, I'm on fire! Help me, help me, oh God it's everywhere!

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Poop.

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what's black, white, and red all over? any red object

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I've ben told to open all your windows when a tornado comes. Who told you THAT? A guy who opened all his windows when a tornado came.

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Knock knock. Who's there? George Washington. George Washington who? George Washington Carver.

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why was the man sad? His mom was killed in a car accident. His wife commited suicide? His kids were drowned in the bathtub by their mother before she commited suicide. But he was sad because he forgot to take his depression medication.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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