I am the sun. You are the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

how many Alzheimer's patients does it take ti screw in a lightbulb? to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Are you from Tennessee? Cause Jamaican me crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the baby get for his 1st birthday? Nothing, he was a Harlequin baby, therefore dying during the last stages of pregnancy.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock, knock. Who's there? Chris Hanson with To Catch A Predator.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What is green and sticky and oozes up a kid's upper lip? A homesick booger.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will Wet or Sink, as simple as that.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

What's long brown and sticky? S**t

thumb_up thumb_down -50

What's white and red all over? A baby in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +119

What did susan boyle say when she saw a 10 year old boy get hit by a bus? "OH MY GOD, SOMEBODY RING AN AMBULANCE"

thumb_up thumb_down +101

WHat is the one thing an alcoholic needs everyday? Rehab.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

why couldn't max ride his bike? because max is a goldfish.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

What is funnier than shooting a man in the face? Most things, shooting a man in the face is a terrible crime.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Why did the chicken cross the road? He realized he was in the ghetto

thumb_up thumb_down +49

It's funny, because she's twice his size!

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road A: Nobody cares because its a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Knock knock! Who's there? Wrong house. I apologize.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

OMG LOOK I FOUND A MAGIC DECODER RING

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Like my status for a tbh?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Knock knock. Who's there? The police. We know about the cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Your mother is so fat that she will die relatively early because of poor health.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Knock Knock, Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops