Why is Jesus not real? Because Chuck Norris is still alive.

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Your mom is so stupid that she failed out of high school and was forced to prostitute for money, thus resulting in you.

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What is the difference between your mother and a hooker? Gonorrhea and her father's approval.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van

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"I see" said the blind man to his dead wife

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Q: what do you call a phone that's fake? A: a phony...

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A chicken and a triceratops walk into a bar. They both immediately recognize each other and start trading anti-jokes, of which no one else in the bar understood, for they are animals, and animals cannot speak. Which brings up the question of how the triceratops and the chicken would communicate in any way that was conversely accurate to how humans would make jokes. Also adding in the fact that they are both from different eras of time, and the people wonder why a triceratops is walking around when they are in fact extinct. Turns out, the triceratops was an animatronic that gained sentience and ran off the set of Jurassic Park IV, a movie production that was not yet announced, as Steven Spielberg was still working on other movies that were more important at the time. The chicken flew in here because he heard the bar was close-by to where he worked, so he decided to drop by after a long Friday. The bartender finally walks up and asks the triceratops, "What would you like?" The triceratops then went on a rampage and killed everyone inside because he was an alcoholic and lost his family because of it, since his ex-wife would be worked to the bone trying to raise his 2 children and adopted platypus son David. He lost everything in the divorce. Why was he in a bar then? I don't know, I can't talk to dinosaurs. The chicken then befriended the triceratops, as the chicken was a secret anarchist who sought to bring down all the stores on the street, as his mother was killed there while trying to cross the street. She fell into a manhole. The chicken and the triceratops then traded usernames on League of Legends then played out that Friday teaming up and taking down Evil. How do they play League if they're animals? Because this whole story is made up and you wasted a good 2-3 minutes trying to read this.

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666

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What do you call a Mexican named Chicee? Chicee

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What is the secret to losing weight? Limb Amputation.

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A duck walks into a bar and says he needs to buy a hammer. The bartender tells him that he's probably looking for the hardware store across the street. The duck realizes that he's disoriented again and should listen to his wife's many pleadings to get back on his medication.

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A dog walks into a bar. A patron checks its tags and promptly calls the owner.

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Why can't Sally ride her bike? Because Sally is eight months old and doesn't even understand what a bike is.

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What has two arms, and two legs but cant walk? A Cripple

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What do you get when you mix life and cyanide? Death.

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What did Shakespeare say to the software designer? Nothing.

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What do you call a black man without a job? A man disenfranchised by the failing American economy.

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What is the difference between an obese white man, and a physically fit black man? Their weight and skin color.

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Women's Rights

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Who would win in a fight, Godzilla or a Tyrannosaurus Rex? It doesn't matter because Godzilla is fictional and a T-Rex is extinct.

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Q - Want to hear a joke? A - Me Too.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house knock knock Who's there THE CHICKEN

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? Due to Helen Keller's disabilities she wasn't able to own an animal. If she did have a dog, it would be named spot because that was a popular pet name in that period of time.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops