A drunk guy walks into a bar and falls flat on his back. Upset, he then finds a bathroom. An hour later he is arrested for beating off in the bathroom. off is pressing charges.

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When does the baby talk When you remove ypur feet from its mouth

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What did the atheist say when he was in the church? The eulogy for his best friend.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but your body rejected the transplant and you died.

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Why was the man squinting his face for so long? He was constipated and couldn't give a shit.

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The Mets win the World Series

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

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What do you call a giraffe driving a car?.. Your Imagination

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What did the pauper want for Christmas? Money

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- Bob, what's interesting to see in NYC ? - Yes, exactly

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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Why did Superman not stop the planes on 9/11? He was quadroplegic.

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*Random individual accidentally throws a ball toward another person's head while chilling out with friends* *The ball comes into contact with the victim's cranium- causing him much pain, but not serious detriment.* Q: Are you feeling okay? A: No, I'm dizzy and am currently in very bad shape Response after initial inquiry was articulated: "Uhmmmm...Sorry?" Lesson of significance to be learned from this tragic incident: One's developed, habitual reactions to certain occasions/events of particular interest are virtually always practically impossible to completely override with the means of logic when one is experiencing the relevant occurances him/herself personally. One usually finds it inordanitely difficult to free him/herself from one's regular routines.

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What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup? One of them involves the killing of an intelligent animal and the other involves the harvesting of seeds from a non-sentient plant.

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride his bike? His family had to sell it in order to put food on the table

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What do you get when you mix a crap with a fart and a slug? Urmom

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Q:Why did the dog jump over the fence A:Because he could

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Your mom is so stupid that she failed out of high school and was forced to prostitute for money, thus resulting in you.

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YOLO

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Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will Wet or Sink, as simple as that.

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whats the difference between valium and m & ms ? one is,nt a tasty little chocolate

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extraction interveal means the opposite of integer

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A man walks into a Library and asks for a book on suicide. The Librarian says: "Do you have a library card?" The man says no and applies for one.

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knock knock who's there? no one... your lonely so you hear things

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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