What is the difference between your mother and a hooker? Gonorrhea and her father's approval.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A man comes home from the office, walks inside and hangs up his coat and hat at the door. He walks into the kitchen to find his wife has not made dinner instead she is drinking with friends, she tells him that she would have made dinner but she didnt want to. Furious, the man storms to the door, grabs his coat and leaves... He gets in his car and drives down to the pub. Sitting there drinking his beer, trying to calm down he finds a peice of paper tucked into his coat pocket, he unfolds it and reads it. It turns out to be a memo he wrote to remind himself at work that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

There are 3 type of people in the world. People who can count, and people who can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

There were three hungry cows in a barn. One day, one of them finds a stick of butter on the ground, and notifies the other cows of his findings. Since the barn was ran like a democracy, the cows decided via 2/3 vote that the winner of the stick of butter should be decided by a checkers tournament. The problem is that there is no good way to run a checkers tournament with three cows because checkers is a one-on-one game. The first cow suggests trying to find another cow to join in so that they could have a bracket-style tournament, but there were only three cows that lived in the barn. The second cow suggests a round-robin style tournament. The third cow informs the second cow that there is a possibility of a tie because each cow can finish with one win and one loss among the two games in a round-robin tournament. The first cow suggests that the round-robin process can be repeated until there is a winner. This joint suggestion was approved by 2/3 vote by the cows. Finally the checkers tournament begins. The first cow says to the second cow, "you butter not beat me at checkers!"

thumb_up thumb_down -46

a guy is driving home his wife calls him and she say's be careful there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road towards traffic he then reply saying they all are

thumb_up thumb_down -46

9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I heard the new Batman movie was to die for

thumb_up thumb_down -120

What did the priest say to the child.... nothing he just gripped his arm tightly and pulled down his pant

thumb_up thumb_down +67

What does Mickey mouse do every day? Minnie mouse

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

thumb_up thumb_down +29

why couldn't max ride his bike? because max is a goldfish.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "why the long face?" the man replies with "I have AIDS."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's green, red, and goes fifty miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A man walked into a bar and said ow.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call burt and ernie if they were black?? A couple of n*ggers

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you know when a Mexican has died? Well based on the large mass of people inside and outside the funeral home who mostly seem to be of a mexican background and cultue, it would be safe to say that those are his/her friends and family who care deeply about them and therefore you could conclude that a Mexican person probably passed away. It's actually quite sad and going to be a rough few days for those closely connected to the person who died.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

1134

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the convicted child molester say to the little girl? Nothing, they cut his tongue out in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A straight man walks into a lesbian bar. He quickly realizes his mistake and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man goes into a store to buy some bread, He asks a woman behind the counter for help. She says " We have white, wheat, or rye. What kind would you like?" . To which the man replies, " It does not matter, I rode my bicycle.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: Why was six afraid of seven? A: I don't know, he didn't tell me.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How many Facebook friends does George Bush have? None because he doesn't have a Facebook.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you last put it.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? No...........

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops