What do you get when you mix life and cyanide? Death.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

3 aliens landed on earth. They all wanted to learn english. The first alien went to an opera class and learned "mi mi mi mi mi." The second alien went to a military camp and learned "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The third alien went to a candy shop and learned "he stole my lollipop!" After all of that, they went to their spaceship and saw a dead man and a cop that said, "which one of you three killed this man?" The first alien said "mi mi mi mi mi." The cop said "what did you kill him with?" The second alien said "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The cop then said "why did you kill him?" The third alien said "he stole my lollipop!"

thumb_up thumb_down +28

So I showed my friend my blind dog. He said, "Wow I've never seen a blind dog before!" I said, "they havnt seen you either."

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Whats skinny, round, tall, smells like a dead baby, hard, small, and fat? nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Scenario: 2 people are in a desert. There is only 1 bottle of water left to drink. Who drinks it? Neither of them, they drink the gallon bottle of gatorade instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you kill a black guy? Shoot him in the temple

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why couldn't Spiderman pay his rent? He didn't have enough money.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

In Soviet Russia... People were burned alive for refusing communism.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats a cat? A cat!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: Jeff has 10 cookies, He eats 9. Now what does he have? A: Diabetes, Jeff has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Whats massive, long, hard, cold, and is blue? A penis in an ice cube.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

SOCIOPATH SAYS: Bitch, rate all my comments thumbs up, if you do I wont rape you... YOu know unless I feel like, women kinda like it when men are in touch with their feelings... SO yeah... Im gonne touch your feelings ;) Nah, nope, no homo, you a gal? We can meet! Voluntary rape! (No I did not say voluntary sex, rape, you can say the saferword: OMG SO GOOD HARDER HARDER! If I you know... Am about to kill you... Which I will do if we get to that stage anyways... Relax ill recycle you. Moral: NeroMetal Think Recycling! Save our planet! ITS LIKE RAPING AND KILLING A PERSON!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How did the kid drop his ice cream cone? Ans. He got hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what do u call a black person a black person dehh

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why was the boy crying? ... because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man is having dinner with his family at a restaurant. While eating his food, the father tells the waiter,"This food is delicious! My complements to the Chef." When the waiter comes back to the kitchen he says "You are a very handsome man."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving in a car. They're on their way to the mall, or something.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock Knock Who's There? Nobody, you have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red Violets are red I stabbed the gardener.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why DIDN'T the skeleton cross the road? ..He didn't have any private parts

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why do priest touch children? They are sexually deprived and frustrated because their religion forbids them from having a normal sexual relationship with the opposite sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey, look over there! It's ur mom!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops