Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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roses are red, violets are red, bushes are red, flowers are red, trees are red, my garden is red... HOLY CRAP MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!

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How do you get a black person out of a tree? You grab a ladder and help them down.

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Lizards are like marshmellows. If you put them in the microwave they blow up.

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how to u kill a baby with no arms, throw it in a pool

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Knock knock, Whos there Nig.ger Nig.ger who Fu.ck all nig.gers.

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What's a vampire's favorite subject in school? Probably math.

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YOLO

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How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? 10 because they're so darn stupid!

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Why didn't you return my call? Cause I F@%Kin Hate you!...And Just wanted to tell you in person....

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What's long brown and sticky? S**t

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Q :What do you call a cow running through a field? A: Bob

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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why did Tommy fall of his bike? because he was getting raped by a walrus

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Sean Nuneviller look him up, he's cute.

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What does Batman say to Robin before they get into the Batmobil? ... - Come on Robin, let's get into the Batmobil...

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Why did the casual smoker have terrible teeth? He very rarely brushed them.

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Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride in a poop poop fart turd fart, dildo

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What did the wannabe mother get for Christmas A miscarriage.

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A skeleton goes to a bar an orders a human flesh.

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How do you occupy a blonde for a day ? You put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner. ... That or you strap a bomb to her, give her a list of twelve billion things to do, and tell her the bomb will explode if she doesn't do everything on the list.

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A fairly-priced Apple computer.

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What did the African boy get for his Christmas present for the first time? Leprosy

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99% of guys are hot. The other 1% go to my school.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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