What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? I don't eat hot dogs. Thank you though.

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a duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks for grapes. the bartender says, "no, we don't serve grapes." so the duck leaves. the next day the duck goes back to the bar, takes a seat. "got any grapes?" the bartender says, "i already told you we don't serve grapes here. if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, i'm going to staple your beak to the wall!" the duck leaves. the next day, the duck returns, sits at the bar and asks, "got any staples?" the bartender replies, "no, but there's an Office Max next door where you might find some."

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Roses are gray, violets are gray, everything's gray, bitch im a dog.

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roses are red violets are blue the stems are green they smell good

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What did the Nazi call the Jew? Alex.

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Reduce, reuse, recycle Anti-joke.com

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Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One looks at the other and says, "Can you pass the soap?" The other penguin says, "What do i look like, a typewriter?"

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What is white a can't climb up a tree? A fridge.

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Q: Why'd the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the other side

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What did one snowman say to the other? Hmm...smells like carrots.

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What is the speed limit in front of Liberace's house? 40mph because that portion of the road is curved.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't.

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What's bad for your teeth? A brick

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Man 1: What kinds of phones do snails use? Man 2:I don't know, I don't think they do. Snail: The snail said nothing, snails don't speak.

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why couldn't hellen keller drive becasue she was a women

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Arent you my dark knight in black armor, you would seriously put your life on the line for my sake?

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What did Darth Vader say to Luke? I am your father.

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Why couldn't Prince William go to the party? Because his WIFE bought tickets to the f**cking ballet.

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A young christian boy walks into a church and gets raped

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What's the color of an apple? It varies depending on the type of tree and climate the fruit grows in.

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That's as gay as AIDS.

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How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? 10 because they're so darn stupid!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To kiss my ass

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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