a little boy told his friend he failed a test.. the friend replied that his parents r goin to kill him... to save himself the suffering ...the boy hung himself in his closet

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have multiple personality disorder, NO YOU DON'T!

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What do you get when you cross a pelican with a mountain goat? It's hard to say.

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A barrel of monkeys is only a barrel of laughs if they're alive and telling jokes.

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A woman is about to buy a house and is faced with a difficult decision. She must choose which house she'll buy the next day. During the night she thinks about it and the next morning she has made a rational decision. What house did she choose ? TRICK QUESTION - Women can't make rational decisions.

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Q: What happened to Michael Jackson yesterday? A: Nothing.

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What a vase and a cheeseburger have in common? It has it's price.

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What happened to the boy when he did nothing? The game.

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Kony 2012

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what's the difference between natives and dogs? people enjoy having dogs in their houses

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They brutally whipped and tortured her.

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Why did the white man accuse the black man of stealing his wallet? Because they were the only two men in the room at the time of the theft

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What's worse than being a black Jew? Being a racists anti-Semite.

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What is black and white and red all over? A zebra that has been shot, because poaching is quite common in many African savannas.

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a: How can you tell you are not pregnant? b: I don’t know. a: Like this: I’m not pregnant.

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Why was the boy sad? Because he met Larry.

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you.

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What is worse than finding a dead mouse in your loaf of bread? A lot of things since you were able to sue the bread company for tens of thousands of dollars.

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What did the idiot call his pet zebra? Charlie. The fact that the man is an idiot is irrelevant.

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What did he hellen keller say to her dad ? Nothing she cant talk

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How many hispanics does it take to screw in a light bulb. One. Just one. You just screw it in, it's not that complicated.

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What's the difference between donuts and dead babies I don't have a pile of donuts in my garage

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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