Where did all the time go? In a recent study, 100% of all time, all systems go.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

What's orange and rhymes with parrot? Carrot

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Will you marry me? I'm an atheist. ,.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

When life hands you lemons hand them back because you don't like lemons

thumb_up thumb_down +62

what is the difference of left and right? i used my right hand to stab your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

A hayride would be fun.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Q: How do you get a bunch of mexicans attention? A: Say excuse me, can I have your attention please?

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Q: What do you call a hillbilly with 12 girl friends? A: A shepherd.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

If a tree falls on a house and there's no one there to hear it....Why was there no woman in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

what's harder than dodging bullets? dodging rain

thumb_up thumb_down +28

why did Sussie fall off the swing? She had no arms! Knock knock whose there not Sussie

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the Nazi call the Jew? Alex.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

You're mama's so fat: she has to wear plus size clothing

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's green and has four wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What does an elephant and a red soda have in common? Neither collects stamps.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman... They all died in a horrible train wreck.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

all ur antijoke are belong to us or i mean we can share, whatever

thumb_up thumb_down

Why can't women drive? Actually, they can as long as they legally acquire a driver's license and have no existing restrictions.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

I went to buy some camouflage shorst the other day but I couldn't find any.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was John the octopus depressed? Because his real name was Steve, and he couldn't communicate this to anyone since he lacked the higher brain functions and vocal chords required to do so.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your mom is so fat she has to buy clothes at a Plus-size clothing store.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did one terrorist say to another? You first.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops