What's brown and says "Hey, I'm a dog"? A talking dog, able to grasp the English language.

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When life hands you lemons hand them back because you don't like lemons

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What do you call two Ethiopians standing side-by-side? Friends

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What's green, red, and goes fifty miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

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What is bright yellow and tastes like Gatorade? Antifreeze

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Q. Whats the difference between watermelons and people? A. Watermelons don't smoke pot...

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clamidia

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if a black man, a Chinese man, and an Indian were about to jump off the Eiffel tower, who would hit the ground first? who cares?

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Knock knock whose there? i have a warrant, i excpect you to come out peacefully with you hands behind you back

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My girlfriend never swallows; she has a rare esophageal disease that's potentially fatal.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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Why did the motorcyclist die? I heard he was sat on by Chuck Norris.

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Why was John the octopus depressed? Because his real name was Steve, and he couldn't communicate this to anyone since he lacked the higher brain functions and vocal chords required to do so.

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I went to buy some camouflage shorst the other day but I couldn't find any.

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so a baby seal walks into a club...

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There was a small boy with a lollipop and a spinning hat. He died of lieukemia.

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How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? 10 because they're so darn stupid!

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Q: How do you get a bunch of mexicans attention? A: Say excuse me, can I have your attention please?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate flowers and am making fun of them by messing up this originally beautiful poem about those repulsive manisfestations of pure evil.

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Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride in a poop poop fart turd fart, dildo

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Arrow to the Knee

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. The single celled amoeba. As billions of years passed, the simple amoeba began to form limbs which it utilized to crawl its way out of the ocean onto dry land. Millions of years would pass before the simplified organism began to develop into a fully functional chicken.

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"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Your mother." "Your mother who?" "Really?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops