My dog has no nose." "How does it smell?" "Potato"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you do to someone you hate very much? You kill them.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Q. why can't hellen keller drive? A. because she is dead

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

A fat man on a moped

thumb_up thumb_down -50

A man sees a hitchhiker on a road. The man crashes because he was not watching the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

What happens when some one breaks apart your little brother's lego tower? You have a screaming little brother and a bunch of legos all over the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -106

What's the difference between a duck? An armchair, because a vest has no sleeves.

thumb_up thumb_down -112

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They brutally whipped and tortured her.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Your mommas so fat that she has developed adult onset diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Yo mama is so fat that her dietician often recommends that she decrease her calorie intake and exercise more often to avoid risk of diabetes or potentially a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Inquiry: After the specially hired detective in shades of black had managed to finish his secret investigation of the crime scene, what significant affair did he demand and expect to subsequently occur next in the logical chain of events? Answer: A specific transaction of money. To elaborate, immediate providance of previously allotted recompense in the particular configuration of myriad pristine wads of cash.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Did you hear about that show where two crazy guy got on stage and the show had to be canceled. I didnt either.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What happens when you throw a red rock in a green pond? It sinks.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Yee

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the man say to the man? Awkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are Red Voilets are Red I am Red I am Dead

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Where does the king keep his armies? In a variety of military barracks and bases situated around his kingdom where they are ready to be deployed for combat or peacekeeping operations.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's the difference between a turtle and a bird? They both fly. Except the turtle.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats orange and has stripes? - a tiger

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a large pizza and a black man? The pizza is a delicious Italian classic dish, while the latter is a human being which man frown at the notion of consuming.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Want to hear a joke about Potassium? So do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What does an elephant and a red soda have in common? Neither collects stamps.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Typically only one, though more may be required under extreme conditions.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops