A Squirrel jumps into a bar, lands on one of the empty tables and begins eating the Peanuts out of a bowl. The bartender thinks to himself "I really should close that window to keep the Squirrels out..."

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What happens when you turn back time? You get "emit."

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whats the difference between samios and a dog? Nothing.

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What did the dog say to the cat? I have no idea. I wasn't there.

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Roses are red, Muslims are brown, When I see them swimming, I hope that they drown!

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what is not funny? This joke.

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Why was the thirteen year old raped by an online predator? Because he made very poor choices on giving out his personal information.

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Why did the man punch his wife? Because he was angry

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Q: What did the boy do when his mom asked him to put away his clothes? A: Yes. PS: If that wasn't funny to you, then go f**k off. You clearly don't have any sence of humor and you should see someone about that, like a mental health doctor.

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how to u kill a baby with no arms, throw it in a pool

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Why was timmy crying? He gave his grandmother AIDs...

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well it rained all night the day i left, the weather it was dry, i can't remember the words but susana don't you cry oh susana don't you cry for me for i come from alabama with a banjo on my knee oh

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What did the Spanish immigrant say? Olah.

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What's the difference between me and a dead baby? I'm not dead, or a baby. I am well into my teens and very healthy.

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How did the cat die? I just it nine times

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26.5% of Americans are obese.

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What do you get when you cross a pelican with a mountain goat? It's hard to say.

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why were the little boy's clothes all wet? because they found his body in the bottom of a river.

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What has two legs and graduated from ninja school? Okyrin Sakajuru. He also went on to win two all city titles and roundhouse kick of the day, performed on a wild tiger. As time passes, he stops practicing and becomes a lethargic street criminal. He is eventually captured by local authorities and charged with the robberies and two counts of aggravated assault. Leaving his children behind to the system where they are neglected and depressed about their fathers situation. He makes bail after 3 months and opens a strip club for dwarfs but loses it all after not finding stripper poles that are dwarf friendly.

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Why was the boy sad? I don't know, ask him.

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How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for chrismas? cancer

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What did the peach say to the apple? Nothing. Peaches can't talk.

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how do you stop a baby crying hit it with a brick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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